The following excerpt was taken from Newsday.com (really) :
NEW YORK – Staten Island’s costumed crook known as the Ninja Bandit has apparently struck for the 19th time.
In the latest incident, a family on Melhorn Road in the Castleton Corners neighborhood reported that the thief stole more than $100,000 worth of jewelry.
“The M.O. fits the pattern” of the 18 earlier Ninja heists [ NINJA HEISTS?!?! ] , said Officer Martin Speechley, a police spokesman.
The burglary took place between Wednesday and Friday of last week, Speechley said. (1) A sliding glass door was left open, indicating that the thief exited through it and may have entered through it, he said.
The victim, Dr. Shahabuddin Ahmad, told the Staten Island Advance that (2)the home has an alarm system but it did not go off.
(3)”I feel afraid, insecure, violated and depressed … very depressed,” Ahmad said.
The Ninja Bandit got his nickname after an earlier victim said (4)the intruder wielded a set of nun-chucks when they scuffled in the home owner’s kitchen in September. Other residents have also said they encountered the burglar, but the suspect has managed to escape each time.
The Ninja’s burglary spree has prompted Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly to (5) urge Staten Islanders to lock their doors and windows and to activate their alarm systems.
- Alright now first of all this man is brilliant. WHO…WHO sits home and thinks, “Hmm, i wonder what costume I want to sport while robbing these rich fools? Ah HA! I’m going to be a NINJA!” A NINJA?!?
Now onto my numbered points.
(1) A sliding glass door was left open = PLEASE ROB MY HOME whenever you get a chance.
(2)the home has an alarm system but it did not go off. So what your saying is you actually DON’T have this alarm system you speak of. An “alarm” system is supposed to “alarm” you of intruders no? Well if it doesnt friggin alarm smarty pants, YOU DON’T own one!
(3)”I feel afraid, insecure, violated and depressed … very depressed.” This man is a melting pot of emotion! He is feeling ALL TYPA WAYS about this incident!
(4)the intruder wielded a set of nunchucks when they scuffled in the homeowner’s kitchen. Honestly, if a man popped up in a black ninja suit swinging friggin nun-chucks in my kitchen i’d probably hit the floor in tears–OF LAUGHTER! I would laugh so hard i would probably piss myself and then say GET the hell outta my house with those damn nun-chucks Ninja Gaiden. :>X
(5) urge Staten Islanders to lock their doors and windows and to activate their alarm systems. If it takes your local Police Commissioner to urge you to lock your doors and turn on your alarm then I will personally drive to Staten Island and rob your house myself. That makes NO sense to me that grown ass people need to be reminded to lock the doors of their homes! Also, is the the BEST your towns Police Commissioner can come up with to solve the NINJA PROBLEM this town is facing?
What a crazy world we live in.
Update: This is the Ninja villain our dear friend Whitney would be if she had a choice. I bring to you, The NinjaBread Man.
14 Comments
I heard about this last week! I think this might be the greatest criminal of our time. Not necessarily the smartest, but he’s definitely top five when it comes to greatness.
I’ve been contemplating my own Ninja-type villain. I’m thinking I’ll go with the Ninjabread Man. It’s a stupid game for the Wii but I think I could work with it. I could turn it into what it really deserves…COMEDY GOLD.
Ninja is one of the funniest words in the English language. Actually, it is THE funniest word.
High up on the list is also:
Chancletas
Telemundo
hm,
eeeeeeem, i always laugh when i hear ninja!
NINJA!
Wait! Somehow, I missed the Ninjabread Man. WHAT?!?!?!?
Whit,
Ninjabread Man?!?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAT! Now tell me Whit, what EXACTLY would the Ninjabread (LMAO, i cant say/type this world without a hearty chuckle) Man do ? What’s his shtick?
I actually can’t wait for your response so please do hurry up, thank you.
Purely preposterous!
I’m crying at this point and I will surely be fired. Surely.
Clev,
Stop crying at work, go blow-dry your face!
You think that THAT article about the Ninja was bad? The New Yorker had an article in it’s December issue, which included interviewing local Ninja’s to get their opinion on whether or not the Black Ninja was staying true to the Ninja Code (obviously not). Residents were also warned then to lock their doors and activate their alarm systems. I don’t feel sorry for the latest victim; the idiot deserved it. Depressed my ass. I truly believe that PhD’s make you even more stupid, and he proved it.
LOL.
If it takes the Police Commish to give you a heads up on closing your doors and activating your alarm then there is a bigger problem than the Ninja Bandit.
See how crazy that sounded…a bigger problem exists than the NINJA BANDIT.
“WHAT IS WE GON’ DO?!”
Even a WHOLE DAY after…i STILL die laughing when i even see/hear ANYTHING pertaining to the NinjaBread Man.
Sorry to keep you guys waiting. My boyfriend and I were in Blockbuster looking for a game to rent and stumbled upon the Ninjabread Man. Possibly the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Since then, I’ve been contemplating leading a life of crime and using the alias of the Ninjabread Man. In the game, he fights evil cupcakes. In my world, I would fight… I dunno. Evil sorts of authority? You know, like mall security guards and whatnot. And of course as I would leave the scene of each crime I would scream out “Catch me if you can!! SUCKAS!!!”
Whitney you are craaaaaaazzzzzy. And I mean it.
Evil cupcakes? I’m fired again.
Mall security guards?!?!? WHAT
Let’s hope it’s good craaaaaazzzzzy and not Tom Cruise craaaaaazzzzzy.