I’m talking to A. Musin tonight and he reminds me that the new American Gladiators is coming on. So, I sit down like f*$k-ass yeah. Who doesn’t remember watching American Gladiators? This is going to be great, right? HELL NO! What was supposed to be a night of assault, the wall, the eliminator and some other shat, turned out to be…well, I’m not sure exactly what it was.
If you missed it, here is everything you need to know.
1. They have the worst writers ever. Who writes stuff like:
- Chad scores his first two points and becomes the meat in a gladiator sandwich.
- Koya the destroya
- Are you ready to shake and bake up there?
- The sun, the moon, the stars and venus were definitely aligned. (Venus was the competitor’s name)
- He’s no stranger to H2O. (Humans are generally familiar, no?)
- Cruising for a bruising.
2. Laila Ali’s voice is very harsh on the ears and it’s necessary to turn the T.V. down whenever she speaks.
3. Gladiator games need water. Seriously, every event was played over water. What the font? What exactly is wrong with the floor?
4. Wolves can be gladiators too. And howling is an appropriate way to communicate. You can also be a gladiator even if you don’t know the rules of the game.
5. It’s perfectly acceptable to name an infraction, “Giving him the business.”
So yeah, lots of foolishness (But I will tune in next week).
I couldn’t have been more excited to see the return of one of one of my favorite childhood classics last night.
I was quite disappointed after TWO HOURS when i realized it JUST WASNT THE SAME.
The only thing that was reminiscent of the episodes of old was some of the challenges & those CORNY lines mentioned above. Sadly, when I was younger they didn’t strike me as alarming but as an adult i now realize that we deserve better.
I don’t get how these contenders didn’t leave the game with serious cases of pneumonia with all that falling in the water non-sense.
Clev, you forgot to mention the MOST RIDICULOUS human being on earth. There was a grown ass man on this show CRYING upon his defeat (to a Asian guy by the name Moly who does random back-flips while screaming spidermonkey) after waiting a whole 14 YEARS to come back on the show!!
With this in mind, ill be watching part 2 tonight.
P.s. “Chad scores his first two points and becomes the meat in a gladiator sandwich.” HOW?! WHY?! Pissed.
That guy wasn’t worth mentioning. If you tried out for the show 14 years ago, chanceas are you shouldn’t be on it. And if you’ve been waiting for this for 14 years, well, just go shoot yourself now. Seriously, what does he have to look forward to now? This moron actually said he’s been waiting for this for the past 14 years. Dude, how did you know the show was coming back on? How did he know? I didn’t know. Did you know?
Its official, giving him the business is an actual penalty! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAMtCCezpfU.
But I do agree with your statements. But people watch this show and expect to laugh, don’t they?
I had no idea it was coming back on until i saw the commercial not too long ago.
With that dude being one of the biggest losers i’ve witnessed in my years on earth im sure he was subscribed to every American Gladitor mailing, forum, blog, list serve, you name it i BET you he’s on it.
Hell, i will even bet he had every episode of the classics recorded and played them weekly on the same day and time with his family as if was still being aired.
I’ll take you a step further… I bet every day he retraced his steps and went back to the original studio, still perplexed that he didn’t make it on time for his audition.
Chris, that’s what concerns me. I think people actually watch this show and take it seriously,
Fact,
Only a chosen few find the humor in this.
DID YOU NOT SEE THE 14 YEAR American Gladiator aspirant who finally got the chance (and lost) break down in tears??
The folks who take this seriously are the same folks who take the WWE seriously.
This is all true.
[...] you missed it on Sunday…(Thanks for the link [...]
Somethings just shouldn’t be “made over” or “re done”. I personally had NO intentions of watching the aforementioned show because well, I KNEW it would be a bunch of shite! Just like I am NOT going to watch the Sarah Whats-Her-Face Chronicles!
Sarah huh? What show is that? If it’s anything like American Gladiators, I need to check it out.
This show has provided me with too much laughter. “More moves like a bowl of jello,” will NEVER get old. Just say it out loud. WILD.