Abso Hilare

Nope,

No typographical error there my dear friends, none what-so-ever.

So I met up with a good friend of mine to catch up after work at a fairly cool bar in the city. Nothing too crazy…not many people here when we got in but as time progressed the crowd gained plenty girth.

So after about forty-five minutes a lady takes a seat at the table next to us. Seemed fairly courteous but I could tell by her demeanor that she was a real woolgatherer. you know… a few sandwiches short of a pic-nic, yup…a wrench shy of a complete toolbox, you know… a few pages short of a complete book…you get my drift.

Anywho, so now that this lady has taken her seat, the rest of her party waddles along to join in on the festivity. NOW I don’t know who manages this establishment but upon seeing not one, not two, but THREE children (no older than the age of seven) take a seat directly next to me (at a BAR) I couldn’t help but clean my glasses. I had to. Not only were they soiled with cow tears of laughter, but i just HAD to make sure my prescription wasn’t being hindered by any unwanted matter.

So I look over again and as sure as Bill Cosby will take a loss with his Rap album there were THREE KIDS at the bar. LMAO! So I regain my composure and take another look at this LUSH downing strawberry margaritas one after the other. Apparently she had to use the pisser and fast! She jetted, and left the THREE CHILDREN unattended!

So I’m just taking my own time, hanging out, laughing, shooting the breeze as they say when my cool chillery is abruptly interrupted by a swift, sharp shriek sounding something like, “NOoOoO! Don’t drink that, it’s only for MOMMYY!”. Apparently little Billy was a bit parched and wanted to follow in mommy’s footsteps by having at the strawberry margarita. What shocked me even more was after she scolded him he was PISSED! It was like she just took his ONLY G.I. Joe from him (people still use those?).

At this point (as always) I could NO LONGER contain my laughter and thank God I chose to lean right or I would’ve been rendered helpless in a mop-like flatness flailing in laughter on the bar floor.

I could NOT believe it, is that proper parenting? To bring your kids to a bar? Drunk? I mean this lady was GLAZED folks…slurring words and all. Stewed!

P.S. I went to a seafood disco after…and pulled a mussel.

UPDATE: So, I must admit, i left out a SMALL tidbit about the events that transpired last night. After this bottle-sucking addict settled down her rowdy children she came over to my friend and said (and i swear on everything I love) , “Make sure you use birth control tonight, if I did I wouldna’ been in this situation right now, thats why I’m here”. (Even though it wasn’t even that kind of party; presumptuous alcoholic sponge.)THEN after saying that she went back to her table, spread her arms around the kids as if she was trying to show is the loss she took. She made a ‘look over here, this is what happens, this is what im stuck with’ face. I am still shocked? Yes, yes I am actually.