After a long day of work I am literally dragging to get to the train. I find myself at the infamous Roosevelt Avenue stop (Home of “Air Force + Faux-Chilla = Loss” & “Wiser with Age”) wondering why the hell the magnitude of the everyday commuter population has grown so rapidly.
So as I traverse down the platform towards my usual waiting spot I realize an unusually large gathering forming in a circular fashion around what used to be my waiting place. So I’m now forced to move over a little bit but I just HAD to find out what the situation was. (NO! I’m not nosey…but you would’ve looked too.) So I glance over and immediately spot a mullet sporting, poorly clothed, inebriated bum. NO QUESTIONS this time however about this man’s bum-ness. His bum credentials were concrete with bum certificate (brown paper bag) on hand. (Summa BUM Laude! 
. Oh No!!!)
Now infront of Jimbo (just a name we will use to identify the overly qualified bum) hovered this police man who did not look like he was there to help. So while (not being nosey) paying attention to the developing situation down the line comes my train. As the train approaches I see the police take out his radio but with all the hullabaloo from the train I couldn’t make out his request.
Dilemma: Do I stay to view the turnout (be nosey) OR do I get on the train and continue in my homeward bound journey? Eff it, I was tired, home it was.
Then this crazy thing housed above my eyes by the name of the “brain” starts to conceptualize possible events that could have transpired post my departure. Sadly, the best scenario I could come up with was that the police officer took out his batton, hit Jimbo in the head to wake him up, then gave him two tickets. One for public indecency and the other for loitering. Yea, sucks right? BUT then I thought…If this police office was BOLD (dumb) enough to write Jimbo a ticket, who the fu*k would pay it? LOL.
YO! I laughed out loud on the train while trying to figure out who would pay Jimbo’s ticket. Would Jimbo go to court? Would Jimbo be able to find his way to court? Would they send notices to his home? Does Jimbo even have a home? Would they just paste a multitude of tickets on random corners/park benches? Jimbo is a homeless person, would he have money to pay for two tickets? Does Jimbo have any money at all?
Somebody help me. Please.d
That is all.
Ok I lied.
So while I was in DC (which shall be referred to as the Home of the Homeless) this past weekend I got hit with a quick surprise. So on our way from having one good time to another we were (again) asked the time by who…YOU got it! Another BUM! These DC Jimbo’s must be some busy little critters. This was even more weird than before because, 1) he was knelt down on the corner and 2) he was polite.
“Excuse me sir, do you have the time?”I replied quickly ” Its 9:50 man, where do you need to be?” I didn’t wait for the response as I was too busy going from one good time to another. ( I never said this before. That was a Lie. You follow? I do.)
That is all. (Seriously)
5 Comments
Musin, you are a strong man! Curiosity would have gotten the best of me, I tell you. Train would definitely have to leave me behind. And you know what, I would regret it after, when I find out it was something STUPID, like the bum got robbed or something of that nature (did that on purpose).
LOLLL!
Wait, did you just come up with the possibility of the BUM getting ROBBED?!
OF WHAT!?
Bum: Hey officer I got robbed man, they got me for my . . . my . . . blanket, shopping cart, and my flask, what am I to do?!
Officer: Go blowdry your face Jimbo.
Hey, its hard out there for a…bum? Its winter, some homeless person (not to be confused with a bum) COULD have stolen his blanket. Or I dont know, use ur imagination – they could have stolen his styrofoam cup full of change when he nodded off!
I’m dyinnn at “Summa Bum Laude” LMAO!!…..smh….you are TOO funny. Love the blog, keep up the excellent work!! =)
wait…so u were in dc and didnt bother to visit? hmmmph…but yes being a resident of the district of columbia for four years now, I have had my fair share of “the extremely less fortunate.” For short…im in mcdonalds on georgia ave, an ex-veteran-hobo “shuffles” his way over to me, clad in full army gear, dragging his bum foot wrapped in safeway bags, and asks me if I could just buy him a cheeseburger…AGHH why not, he’ll be my good deed for the day..then as we approach the cashier..he whispers in my ear with his VOLATILE-sulfurish breath and tells me, if i could throw in some fries and a drink that would be great..hmmph!!! the nerve to be picky!!