Abso Hilare

It’s that time again. Actually, we’re late this week, but A. Musin had to save some owls and M. Randy was fighting a grizzly bear (more on this some other time). But have no fear, if you missed American Gladiators on Monday…eh hem, Whit, Musin…here’s all you need to know.

1. I’ve noted that most of the corn comes from using the contenders (still hate this word with a passion) occupations as “witty banter.” So, I knew I was in for it when getting ready for the first event, Hit and Run, they announced it was a battle between the preacher (Andy)  vs. the teacher (Alex).  It didn’t help that Alex said, “We have the preacher over here. After this round, I might need to confess some sins because I’m going to beat him down bad.”  No need to confess your sins sir, with lines like this you are an excellent candidate for the fiery pits of hell.

 2. So now, the competition gets going, and as Andy (the preacher) gets tossed into the water (of course there’s water), the announcer says, “A different kind of baptism for this preacher man.” Ohhhhhh noooooo. I’m pretty sure they’ve used this line already. They tested it out weeks ago. Watched the footage and felt it worked. PMO

3.  (This one is for you Musin.) After Justice knocks Alex into the water (of course) in Hit and Run, he says, “HAMMER TIME.” And then does a hammer motion. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, are you kidding me?

4. During hang tough, the announcer says, “The jumbo jet of Justice is about to take off.”

5. At this point in the show, I was getting a little worried. There were a few comments, but not as many as I was used to. I started wondering if somehow the good folks at NBC got wind of AH and started working on their material. However, when the announcer said during the women’s hang tough, “Venom has Venus in her snare. The snare, the glare, Venus gets tossed out the air,” I knew I was wrong.

6.  Later, as Venus gets ready to climb the wall, Laila Ali reminds her how she was getting whooped by Monica with the whole points thing. Venus replies, ” I’m going to keep ticking. Tick tock. Bring on that rock.” YARR…Come again?

7. So, I know he was talking about the gladiator Crush, but why the announcer chose to say, “The royal crush,” as he announced her, I have no idea. What sir? Cards? Crush, flush, cards? Is that the best you can do. Is it? I would really like to know.

Congratulations to Monica for not only winning, but for also not pulling a Bill Cosby like embarrassment with the corn. Oh, yeah and to Alex also. (The competition is actually getting good?)