Now now now folks, I KNOW you might be thinking, “Gosh why does Musin pick on the people at his work place all the time?”. This however is NO fault of mine, they simply bring it upon themselves, truly. This post could not have been contained, I would not be able to sleep at night…Ok I would be able to sleep, but not well…Ok, maybe I’d still have a good night’s rest but the sh*t is still too funny to keep to myself.

On the Friday of April 18th 2008, I became witness to the most ridiculously hilarious work related act thus far. I was at my desk all damn morning wondering who the hell smells like shite. The smell was rancid I tell you, and distinct, you couldn’t miss it. The air was contaminated with foul impurities. Spray all the air-freshener you want, the smell was coming back, the stink was there to stay. I couldn’t figure it out. I went to gauge it by going around starting useless small talk to a few neighboring co-workers. No luck there. I even went as far as to ask one dude if he brought his lunch with him upstairs. The smell was rotten.

(Sidebar – I know this will be refuted by many BUT I just CAN’T see what kind of GROWN man would carry a lunch bag to his place of employment. There is an older married man who nurses a red velcro strapped lunch bag every single day! I know it might be economical and whatnot but it just doesn’t seem right to me! Sir, you are too old to be walking around with a damn lunchbag. What makes it even worse is this man has a SNACK at all times, like a f’n kid! After lunch he will randomly on an given day pull out a Twix/Snickers Bar/ Rice Krispy Treat/Chewy Bar, its ridiculous!)

My sincerest of apologies for the minor tangent above. Ok, back to the funk at hand. Now, I realize that people on the data team adjacent our side of the office had been complaining also.

During lunch I saw a member of said team walking out of the HR office looking quite disgruntled. Come to find out this man got SENT HOME because of his malodorous nature! Do you follow? This man’s own co-workers made a big stink about it! [pun intended, thanks] This man smelt SO BAD that he could NOT finish the work day. I don’t think you understand how HARD I laughed when I found out WHY he was no longer at his desk. People COMPLAINED to HR about this man’s stench! Yo, I don’t think you understand how wild this was to me. Needless to say, he hasn’t been the same since. He has become a lot more quiet and reserved, maybe he thinks less activity will result in less smelling like shite? Whatever it is, I no longer have to suffer through his offensive off puts. Thank you HR. You may fuck up often, but you know how to take care of the stinks.

Work has provided us with many moments of laughter. This time around I have found myself at a crossroads. I’m stuck on the corner of laughter and befuddlement. Now, I’ve seen this little “dew-hickey” here and there but it wasn’t until yesterday that I really rationalized how ridiculous this request was.

At the end of every week they send out the Company news letter. (I never read it, ever.) Last week Friday they sent the news letter and for some dumb reason I chose to read this feckless document to see what it was all about. So I read…I read…and I read. It was the most counter-productive action I carried out all week! So while going over the last paragraph I receive another email from the sender of the newsletter containing the following text:

“Please Disregard Company Newsletter Dated 4/4/08.”

WHAT?!?! Sir, sir, HOW am I to simply forget about something you JUST sent to me, not only that, I am STILL reading it. Listen here folks, when I tell you I was borderline PISSED, I mean it. It just really came up as a red flag to me…that is a ridiculous request.

So that was my first run in with the “Please Disregard” shite. Monday as I’m thinking about how abso ridic it was, the office phone rings from some random 954 area code. So I pick up with my usual greeting and the conversation went a little something like this:

Random Southern Male (RSM) – Hello, please may I speak to a Mister Matthew Thatcher?
Musin – Sorry sir, there is no one at this office by the name. Are you looking for an employee of the [Insert Company Name here]?
RSM- Oh no! I seem to have reached you in error, *Please disregard this PHONE CALL*

HOW?! I am STILL on said phone call. I am hearing you now, you didn’t even end the call yet BUT somehow you expect me to actually forget it ever happened? This doesn’t sit too we’ll with me. Somebody explain to me (right now) how this ludicrous response became so popularized in the professional field.

If this post was irrelevant to you, please disregard.