The other day I skipped to my neighborhood grocer (LIE, but imagine if I really did SKIP all the way from my door, to the elevator, out the elevator to the streets ALL the way to the market, WILD.) In any event, I literally ran in for…damn…I don’t remember, eff. Anyway, it’s not possible that it was more than 5 items.
I walked around the store, picked up my shat (whatever these items were) and firmly planted myself in the express lane.
OK great, I think to myself. Only two people in front of me. I should be out of here in less than no time.
But, no no no (like Destiny’s Child? Boo? *scurries off.) Why is it that the express lines always takes the longest. I’ll tell you why, it’s because of jackasses like these:
Guy at the checkout: This guy is at the checkout with 30 bags of ice and 10 styrofoam cups. 30 BAGS OF ICE. Why would you ever need that much ice and so few cups? This actually wasn’t all his fault. This hold up was caused because the cashier, for 5 solid minutes, contemplated how she was going to ring each bag up seperately. PMO.
Guy directly in front of me: So after the ice fiasco is complete, I think once again, great. This guy in front of me only has 12 eggs, 1 dozen, 1 measly carton of eggs. This HAS to be quick.
Carton whizzes by on the conveyor belt. $2.99 flashes on the screen. Cashier asks for payment. Then this man does the UNTHINKABLE, he…he…he…whips out a checkbook. OH NO SIR. OH NO. Are you really planning on writing a check for these $2.99 eggs. PMTFO. And why…why why why, didn’t you start filling this out as we were waiting on the ice moron.