Clifford the Big Red Dog
Exactly! I know you’re looking at that title and wondering how Clifford made it to absohilare.com. Well, we have funny friends. We have funny friends that have funny things happen to them. We have funny friends that have funny things happen to them that they like to share. We have funny friends…Ok, I guess you get the idea. Here is the latest tale from one of said friends.
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The staff here is playing their annual softball game on July 25th and its all the rage. People are picking teams, there are t-shirts and even a draft! The crazies are even going to have practices.
Well, I have decided that I don’t want to play…honestly I am looking for another job and hope to not be here when July 25 rolls around. Plus, its going to be HOT!
I was walking in from lunch and this lady catches me in the hall and that convo went something like this:
Lady: Hi
Me: Hi
Lady: Are you playing in the softball game
Me: Nope
Lady: Why not?!? (looking distressed)
Me: Cause I don’t want to (straight to the point I was)
Lady: oh
After this conversation I left her in the hall and walked back to my desk. I was happy that I put my foot down and gave no excuses. To my dismay, about 35 min later Lady shows up and peeks over my cube.
Lady: Hi
Me: Hey
Lady: Well, since you’re not playing in the softball game do you want to be our mascot? (mind you she says this like she is saving me!)
Me: No
Lady: (silent, just looking at me disappointed)
Me: I’m sorry, I just don’t want to
Lady: OK
Me: I realize I’m being a little anti-social
Lady: I know, why is that?
(I shrug my shoulders to her question)
Me: What is the mascot anyways
Lady: Clifford the Big Red Dog
***PAUSE***
Let’s take a moment here to enter my head to take a look at my thoughts
WHAT? YOU DUMBASS!! WHY WOULD I WANT TO GET INTO A BIG RED DOG SUIT IN THE END OF JULY ON A BASEBALL FIELD!!?? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??
The worst is she looked at me like 1) i didn’t know what i was missing and 2) i am just not a team player. Mind you, she asked me to be the mascot and just so happened to leave out what the mascot will be. CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG? Is this wild to only me?!
*****PLAY****
Me: WHAT? That’s crazy, do you know how hot it will be in there?
Lady: I know
Me: (Silent, looking at her like she is crazy-because she is)
Lady; Well do you know anyone else that would want to do it
Me: No, can’t say that I do.
Lady: OK well thanks anyways, Maybe I’ll pay my niece 20 bucks to do it
************
I just can’t imagine what goes through people’s heads. Just really grinds my gears, ya know?
YESSSSSSSSS!!!
I must say, if I was offered this opportunity I would be the best, most energetic, enthusiastic Big Red Dog–OK, I’m obviously telling a gargantuan fib. I tried to fluff it to give it a different spin but in no way at ALL (not one) is this a good opportunity.
They basically said, “Hey you, want to make a big ass of yourself and dress up as a big red mutt?” WHO would say yes to that? Then, then, THENNN she plots to pay off her niece? This here lady should dress up as Clifford and get a heat stroke.
*Mumbles while walking away…stupidoldladyaskinpeopletododumbshi*likedressupinapuppy
suitinthemiddleoftheeffinsummermotherf…
Comment made by A. Musin on July 7, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
LMAO!!! A mascot though?!! Its NEVER that serious in office softball leagues!! Thats CRAZY!! LOLOL!
and of all things… THAT mutt?? Clifford aint been poppin since the 80s!! LMAO
ahhh good one.. hilare!
Comment made by Streetz: The Living Legend on July 7, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
LMAO!!!!!! is this woman for real. Everyday i find out there are some serious characters in the world. What a crazy chick. Well then again maybe you should take one for the team and stop being so anti-social lol
This shit is funny
Comment made by Huggizz on July 7, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
Huggizz,
The most outgoing extroverted socialist would NOT want to be Clifford…the BIG RED DOG?!?
Being a mascot itself is probably the most demoralizing thing (next to being a clown which is right next to being a prostitute.) Think about it, you are wearing an animal suit (big Red Dog in this case, with an old country man’s name-Cliff) and you jump around and intentionally do stupid things to get laughed at. Foolish. I just don’t like the concept overall especially Clifford.
*climbs down off soapbox…puts away ladder.
Comment made by A. Musin on July 7, 2008 @ 4:29 pm
Okay, so I want to know who’s got a big red dog suit laying around to be used for the mascot. Sounds like someone at work is a closet plushie. I’d dig a little deeper. Might make for a good future post.
Comment made by Robert on July 7, 2008 @ 6:32 pm
You’re right Robbert. WHO HAS SUCH A THING?
And WHY is the mascot Clifford?
I literally thought I was going to die when I heard this story. Ok, maybe not die. But I definitely started packing up my stuff in the office. I was certain I would be fired.
Comment made by V. Clev on July 7, 2008 @ 11:00 pm
Heyyy Clev,
You don’t respect Robert’s name, nope, not one bit. Solid Name RBT you got going on up there. Wicked, and wild of you.
After posting this comment I’m hopping on ebay to see who has a big red puppy suit for sale…narrowing my search options only to “buy it now” deals. I’m gunna get one, and it’s gunna be a good time. Lie.
Does anyone else start chuckling any/every time they look at that damn red dog picture? Idk why but I laugh every single time, he just looks so effin happy!
Comment made by A. Musin on July 8, 2008 @ 7:58 am
Eff u Musin.
How could you say no to being the mascot after seeing a picture like that?
Comment made by V. Clev on July 8, 2008 @ 8:28 am
Hmph,
So that’s how friends talk to friends now a days? Watch, I’m going to see to it that you are made to be Clifford the Big Red Dog. Not the mascot either. That is all…
*mumbles while walking away…(inaudible utterances but certainly disgruntled…)
Comment made by A. Musin on July 8, 2008 @ 8:35 am
Questions:I’m lost? You’re going to turn me into clifford? A dog? Is that logical or funny?
Answers: Yes. Maybe. Yes or No. No.
Comment made by V. Clev on July 8, 2008 @ 8:59 am
(Clev cheats on tests. Don’t give me the answers.)
Answer is : Of Course Maybe Yes or No Possibly. In no way is that confusing. (Lie)
Also, I had no idea where I was going with the comment actually, I just started typing and refused to stop. I am no quitter.
Comment made by A. Musin on July 8, 2008 @ 2:03 pm
This could be you, V. CClev.
Comment made by Robert on July 9, 2008 @ 12:24 am
THIS could be (or is) you, Robert.
Comment made by A. Musin on July 10, 2008 @ 5:04 pm
My typo was deliberate.
Comment made by Robert on July 14, 2008 @ 3:27 pm
I find this so funny, because the school asked me to be Clifford for our book fair, and I was so happy! I have always dreamed of being a character like at Disney land! I just don’t live anywhere near a Disney Park.
I think its so wonderful how God made us all differnt, for different reasons. I wonder if we can learn to appreciate it. I just love your website, becuase it helps me respect and appeciate people who are different from myself!
thanks!
Comment made by Lisa on October 23, 2008 @ 9:12 am