Alarms, a solid way to protect your home for burglary/theft. Not at home? No problem, fire up the good old alarm, put on the code and your off to tackle the day.
Now, I’ve used an alarm or two in my day but NEVER in my life have I ever heard an alarm this fidiculous (fuckin ridiculous, use it if you want, its cool). Safe to say I get off the train at one of the safest neighborhoods in Queens, with some nice sized homes. Apparently the well-off owner of this home was a damn fool, don’t believe me? Read on.
So I see the little (useless) neighborhood patrol car (armed and ready with the latest flashlight and nextel) outside of this home flashing his yellow lights. As I walk closer to scene of this potential break in I happen to hear the warning message some jackass programmed to go off when someone breaks into their home! The robotic voiced monotonous message went as follows:
“You have illegally entered a home protected by a security system; so…Run for it! Run for it! Run for it! It said that shit about a dozen times! The effed up part about it is if I was the thief (not that this would ever be the case, ever) I would clearly be caught red handed, on the floor even, in tears–from laughter! I could’nt escape with shit hearing an alarm system telling me to “run for it”. Home owner, you win! Happy Friday & Long live AH!
*Ultra Important Announcement: (*cue drom roll……) We have a new member of the AH team, W. Itty! She will join forces along with myself, V. Clev & M. Randy in ensuring that hilarity lives on. To W. Itty, Cheers!
To be Frank, whoever he is. Seriously, who the eff is Frank? Actually, I don’t think I know a Frank. Hmmm *searches for another name…
To be Chris, I don’t think I believe you Musin. I need a recording ASAP.
*sprints to inbox to wait for recording.
P.S. - Can someone please help DMX?
Chris,
I promise you this happened, if you don’t believe me we can strike a deal off line. Hand me some cash and I will give you the exact address of this home, you can then go there during work hours, break in, and hear it all for yourself! Deal? (This was not (at all) off line?)
*doesn’t send a thing to inbox, nothing record. Thinks to send wicked web virus for such a ridic request.
P.S.No one can help DMX, perhaps baby Jesus?
Musin,
That was ridic. My request? Not so much. And it was not at all offline. Does it really look like I would break in? Jackass. Just make the effin recording.
*sits at inbox pissed…still waiting
P.S. - It’s possible that I can see DMX trying to break into this house.
Chris, Musin, Franklin (the pig): THERE IS NO WAY THIS HAPPENED.
FIB.
COMPLETE.
WILL NEED RECORDING ALSO.
*quickly configures cure for wicked virus and throws it in Musin’s face.
P.S. Baby Jesus was busy. He told me so.
P.P.S. I apologize for the excessive caps… I… I… I don’t know what happened.
UNREAL! Musin, your life needs to be recorded for TV - I’m calling Comedy Central…
Speaking of Comedy Central, I’m not sure if anyone watches this show but when I read “…the little (useless) neighborhood patrol car (armed and ready with the latest flashlight and nextel)…” I couldn’t help but picture those fools from Reno 911!
the cops would have rushed me straight to the G building cuz i would totally be rolling on the floor laughing maniacally, tears streaming like a cracked villain (the joker perhaps)
Me: Run…hahaha… run for hahahaha ru…hahahaha… run oh man!
You need approx. 2 more people… lolol
Hilare nonetheless!
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