So,
Somehow these blasted blankets are selling like hot cakes (hmm, how many hot cakes can one really sell though…). Anyways, this is very wild to me. After seeing this infomercial a time or few, I realized how they manage to sell so many of these. It isn’t just a warm blanket with convenient sleeves, clearly it’s the last and final adornment needed to gain membership into the obvious Snuggie CULT. Please take another look at the infomercial after reading the points below:
1) WHY does the lady rhyme in the first few lines of this thing? I bet you didn’t think of this before, but clearly she is some form of soothsayer-eqsue cult leader trying to penetrate your mind with rythmical lines. We won’t go for it Snuggie; CULT!
2) Now, the lady on the phone. Who do you think she is talking to? Ah ha! You guessed it too, clearly she is speaking with the Chief of the Snuggie Cult providing a live update on the progress of the commercial/takeover. Here is a little known fact for you all: They cut away right before she begins tapping her fingers together in a mischievous fashion while sporting an evil grin. This while the light is only on her face, the rest of the room fading into shadows (*insert evil laugh here). This is all true.
3) If this was such a nice item for caring everyday folks trying to stay warm then WHY is mom wrapped up all toasty yet infant is stuck to endure the cold. You know what kind of people administer such torture to babies? CULT!
(Also, I think she just poisoned that puppy)
4) Who would really go out as a large group to a camp fire ALL wearing burgundy colored cult robes Snuggie’s? I know who, members of a CULT. They just used those same sticks holding the marshmallows to slay the sacrificial goat, this is fact.
5) These guys are smart little cult followers. They wore these things to a large sporting event (Okay, maybe not that large of an event but give me a break here) ? Clearly they went out in numbers to recruit for…you guessed it, the CULT!
6) The Compact press and Open book light, all a lie. That is just fancy housing for some poisonous potion placed in “cups of tea” (as shown in the commercial).
I mean, who would really own one of these? Why not just put on a Sweater? I don’t get it, i don’t. However, Rumor has it someone that happens to read this here blog is actually a PROUD member of the Snuggie cult owner if this ridiculous armed blanket. I won’t call any names though…
Even worse, they have major competitor, the mighty SLANKET! The Snuggie vs. Slanket rivalry is really heating up, too bad I don’t care at all. Rumor also has it that someone that reads and writes for this blog (who owns a SNUGGIE) is thoroughly interested in doing away with said Snuggie, and switching to the Slanket clan! This is only the beginning, and I’m afraid to say I have no idea of where this will end.
*prays.
Be good now.
Tags: Blanket, Cult, slanket, Snuggie, snuggie cult, The Snuggie
I concur… Though I may be the next member of the cult. My room is an icebox, and I heard that the snuggie is fab at warming anyone up…
The Slanket wins… hands-down. I’ve told you… The Snuggie looks like an airplane blanket!!! The Slanket looks to be warm and cuddly like a marsupial’s womb and I WILL OWN ONE, CULT BE DAMNED!!!!
Nice writing style. Looking forward to reading more from you.
Chris Moran
Really?? I say fu*k slanket and snuggie. Just wear a damn sweater.
I wear sweaters… many! And when your BEDROOM is literally the same temperature as outside, because you’re stuck in shitty college housing, a Snuggie is the way to go! … A red one to be exact!
Who would have thought that this thing would have become a viral hit? I have to admit that I always smile when I see the ad. Remember all of the Billy Mays commercials? On my site (linked here) I made a small list with links to his stuff. Now those are funny!
Ada,
Shame on you. Did you also run off buying that workout contrapment that you magically mount on your door frame and begin doing reps of 10 pullups to get rock solid abs? I mean…just saying. Some things are foolish, this would be one of them.
Chris,
Thanks for stopping by, we have a good time here at AH. Feel free to pay us visits more often, costs you nothing.
Elementaryfinanace,
I couldn’t have called it, I still thinks it’s crazy that someone is making huge bucks off a sleeved blankey. I think it’s even more wild that Itty owns one! Zing!
Itty,
Burn the damn Snuggie! If I ever cross paths with that armed sheet set I am taking the scissors to it, and bringing a box of matches just in case.
P.s. Buy a slanket and our friendship is over.
I didn’t buy the exercise device… I stick to the magical diet pills that melt away fat instantly AND give you rock-hard abs! Better bang for my buck, and we all know that every nickel counts in this economy…
Maybe I’ll buy a Slanket and you’ll never know! That way our friendship doesn’t take a hit and I still get the warmth and comfort only a Slanket can provide… I mean, it was created by a kid who initially just poked holes in his sleeping bag so he could channel surf… Don’t act like you wouldn’t be friends with that guy! Don’t even try it because I’m not buying it!
This is ridic. I saw this stupid snuggie commercial last night. *puke
I can’t believe this thing is a hit! The first time I saw it, I laughed. THEN I hear friends talking about it.
Just what is wrong with a warmer (sweater) or what is wrong with a blanket. Why together?
I’m not mad about this at all. Lie.
I’m picking up a snuggie today. Lie.
Don’t worry about picking up a Snuggie, Clev… I’ll send you the other one when they DOUBLE my offer and give me the free booklight!!! WHHEEEEEE!!!!
LOL!
Clev, You are PISSED! It sounds like the Snuggie tried to attack you. Hm, imagine if the Snuggie was alive, wild. I strongly believe if the Snuggie was alive it would surely be a beggar, no doubt about that. A big red bum on the corner of the street. Well, at least it would be warm…Boo?
Itty,
This is your last warning about the Snuggery. Do away with it or else! Does your Snuggie know that you mind-cheat on it with the vicious Slanket? I bet you it doesn’t, or else it would attack you in your sleep–then steal your money.
*Note: not all beggars are thieves, fact?
Look… I’ve told you. Me and Snuggie gave it our best shot… It’s just not meant to be. Slanket just… GETS me. It’s rare you find a love like this, Musin. Please understand.
P.S. Snugs asked if he could bunk with you for a couple of nights. You know, just until he gets back on his feet.
@ W. I don’t know WHAT I would do if you sent me a snanket or a sluggie (yes, I just made these up. SOmeone is sure to come out with them). It’s posible I would burn it.
Well then it’s possible they would come to haunt you in your sleep for your wreckless and hurtful behavior. You know, they have feelings too!!!
*Runs away, tears flowing, arms flailing…
After that little twit (not to be confused with messages on twitter. actually, go ahead and confuse yourself) I’m certain that snuggie is a cult and you are the ringleader.
Death to snuggie.
@ Clev.
This is a very twitter-eqsue form of responding, no? I think I will go with the flow. Odd thing is, i wrote this before you wrote number #16. PMO! Get OUT of my head Clev. Thanks!
While we are at it: Snuglette. Slankie. Skanklet (for the more forwardly flirtatious versions of course) Skankie. These are all names that will be used at some point, right Clev? Right?!
@ Itty,
No way I would let that bum hang out with me.
Note: I am a non-discriminatory human being.
*Looks to help Itty in distress, suddenly sees her take a wicked fall after tripping over the extra long sleeve of her Snuggie.
*snickers, softly steps over Itty (still in tears, i think) and goes back to work…
I would love to see a youtube video of people tripping over skankies. Or people using slankies in awakard situations. Such as someone bringing a snuglette to court. Or your boss calling a meeting and sitting at the tab;e with a slankie. Or a cop pulls you over then pauses to wrap himself up in a snanket.
Are these only funny to me. Nope, this is hilare. Abso.
I’m trying not laugh because my supervisor is staring at me from her office…
And I’m picturing her in a Snuggie…
It’s not working.
I CANNOT continue to read this at work, I don’t like the color pink nor do I like slips of that variety.
I couldn’t help but notice the continual remix of the slunket. The imagery for those clips of all those different folks randomly reaching for a SNUGLETTE! SNUGLETTE wins!
IN FACT — TOO BAD there IS a SNUGLET! This is getting OUT of conrol!
All day, I’m going to walk around and picture people in Snuggies. Do you know how ridiculous that is?
And by ridiculous you must mean AWESOME…. because seriously, that would be the most comfortable uniform ever… I might even pretend I was a monk… Shave my head! Start doing chants! Become wise and all-knowing!!! All because of our dear friend, Slugget.
Itty, do you realize those things are all very solid practices of uhh…CULTS! I knew it, EFFIN KNEW IT!
*starts drafting legal documents to have Itty removed from Absohilare.com…
*Falls to knees… NOOOOO!!!! Not exiled from AH!!! Anything but that!
And monks aren’t in cults!
*Pulls herself together… Wait a second… Fine. Go ahead. Exile me… You’ll miss me when I’m gone.
*shreds documents.
We’re fine Itty, I guess you can stick around for a while.
*shreds her cult-red snuggie instead…(*insert ultra evil villainous laugh here)
*Pulls out the free Snuggie she received when she bought the original one… I knew you’d come in handy, extra Snug… I knew it….
*stares off into the sunset, a serene look on her face…
I just dont know what to say. On one hand, I don’t enjoy looking like a douchebag. On the other hand, I love me some snuggly warmth. I’m gonna have to sit on this one for a while.
(*hides in corner cutting up Itty’s other Snuggie while she looks up the latest pics of the Slanket on google…cheater)
You leave Slanket out of this!!! Don’t you go and try to sully his name!
Slanket is pure genious….dont be mad because the idea wasnt yours becasue of its simplicity……imagine people coming to your house and your in the same damn sweater everytime dont you think people would start to think “is that the only sweater she or he has” or “why dont you change your sweater” why dont you wash your sweater” “get a different sweater” “i coudl smell yoru sweater” FUCK YOU BRO…..with a slanket you will never have that problem its just like an accessible blanket on a couch that wont fall of of you whether your sleeping, eating, or anything else you might be doing on the couch. Plus you can even wear it to the bathroom.
Everybody looks like a Monk in a slanket…lololol
I will by the slanket for the “press it open booklight” lolol
Wait,
You actually like the Slankerette? I mean…I’m in disbelief, if you would like to own one, then by all means go forward with this but it’s in your best interest to know that you will indubitably look like a jackass — in a cult. If you are alright with that, then go for it….sure.
If this commercial had a little (A LOT!) less cheese, there is a slight possibility I would be less inclined to demolished all Snuggies on sight, meh.
Wait… Splakattack considers buying a Slanket and all he gets is the proverbial slap on the wrist?! You just tell him, “Hey, man, if you wanna look like a douche… be my guest.” When I tell you I’m getting one you tell me that a) we will no longer be friends, b) I’m being “let go” from AH and c) That you’re going to set my Slanket/Snuggie/Snuglet on FIRE?!
Are you sensing the double standard here? ARE YOU, MUSIN?!
Itty,
Don’t you think you are over reacting a little bit on this one? Maybe, perhaps, mayhaps?
I agree with Itty. You’re being a male chauvinistic pig.
Sobolious
Thank you, Ada. At least someone else realizes what’s at stake here…
Ada and Itty, I agree with both of you.
This message is not late AT ALL.
sure enough the Snuggie infomercials draw in my attention like a magnet, though i haven’t gotten the point of actually buying one yet
Have you heard about the snuggie pub crawls going on? I hear one in Chicago has like 500+ people all going to wear snuggies and hit up the bars.
LOL — WAIT!
*cleans glasses with extra strength Windex, thrice!
Is that (*looks above) a comment from the Slanket? (Ohh! Bet you don’t like that, Snuglet. jk?
That comment above is from SNUGGIE. Can you not read?
I am 100% on time with this comment.
LOL!
That wasn’t from Snuggie, don’t let the faux Snuggie pull the wool over your eyes Itty…(all puns very welcome)
ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY FABRIC!!!
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