Abso Hilare

So, let’s do a little survey? (Not an actual survey… I mean, I can’t very well sit here and wait for your answers or there wouldn’t be a post, now would there?) What do you think of when I say “White Castle?”

Oh?  What’s that?

Drunken nights?

Hangover prevention food?

Me passed out in the middle of my living room with no pants on covered only by a Dance, Dance, Revolution mat, surrounded by empty White Castle boxes with little onions and pickles around my head only AFTER I’ve been outside in my front yard telling my friends that I need to go to the gas station with them regardless of the fact that I’m not currently wearing pants?  (Oh.  Wait.  Is that just me?  Ok, fine… Things escalated quickly… My boyfriend was a bartender… I… I… I don’t know what happened.  But I will say, that Dance, Dance Revolution mat made a mighty fine hobo blanket…)

Anyways, back to the point… Who here thinks of the following picture when you think of White Castle???

Hot and steamy night at the Castle?!  NEED RESERVATIONS?!  Who reserves a table at White Castle???  I don’t think I’ve ever been inside one… I mean, isn’t most of their business drive-through business???  This… This… This is an outrage!  Clearly, the Castle is giving people the wrong idea.  That idea being that WHITE CASTLE IS A SUITABLE DINING EXPERIENCE FOR VALENTINE’S DAY.

Just for anyone who might be confused and need clarification:  IT’S NOT.

Weigh in on this, Musin.

[Musin Here]

Shit! Damn it Itty, you blew my surprise…now I will have to find another trendy ultra classy top notch late night junk-food house to use for Vday–PAH! As if! (remember that? I haven’t heard someone use that in decades) I think it is better off left alone, mayhaps.

Please, can someone find out/guess how much they had to pay those people on the flier to forever be the laughing stock of America (and AH). They are now the poster children of FAIL. As in, did they REALLY pick up the phone, dial 718-899-8404, plug in the appropriate extension,  make reservations for Valentines Day @ White Castle, invite a date, and take the date out to a stove-lit candlelit dinner for Valentines Day at White Castle? Who the font would subject them self to such fuckry? *Looks up at the pics of the people on the flier, ah welp! Tough break!

Also, In looking further into this terribly bad idea I discovered instead of this stove-lit dinner (eff it, it is what it is), you could bring home to your lovey a “Cupid Crave Kit”, HA! This featuring eight cheeseburgers, one sack of fries, two sodas, and a “keepsake item”. WOOT! A keepsake item from White Castle? What could that be, Grease?

Clev, please weigh in on this.

[Wait!  Itty here again... I just came to the realization that this is a legitimate phone number... As in one that they think people are actually going to call...  My guess?  You dial 1-800-I'm-A-Douche and you get the exact same thing... The White Castle Special V-Day Reservations Hotline...  Imagine the people working on the other end of the line... "White Castle Hotline, reservations for 2?" all the meanwhile thinking to theirself  "Life really doesn't get any lower than this and you, fair customer, really ARE a douchebag..."]

Stop hogging Itty! [Oh, Clev here]

You want to know how outrageous this is? Well, a friend of mine once went into a White Castle after a drunken night. Before entering the eatery (pah!) he noticed a bum needy-looking individual perched up by the door. Now, my friend (the thoughtful individual that he is) thoughtfully (duh) remembered this man while ordering his food, even in his drunken state.

After the cashier rings up the order, he grabs the two separate bags, heads out the door, and gleefully hands the man the bag. The man reluctantly takes the bag, peeks inside and frowns. THEN, he crumples the bag back up and hands it to my friend and replies, “no thanks.”

And THIS is the place to take a Valentine’s date? Me thinks not..

Oh and can someone please call! If someone calls, make reservations and goes, I’ll pay for it.

Shite! There is a website. Oh, they go hard (like Brooklyn). Their tagline is…”Valentine’s Day at the LOVE Castle” PAH!

Happy VD kids!  No, not that kind…Sickos.
Team AH.