Monthly Archives: June 2009

Random

First Day At Work Fail

I was in charge of speaking at orientation yesterday for all the new residents that were starting off.  Essentially, this is the first day of their new CAREER.  Not just job.  CAREER.  A career that will allow them to help heal minds and get the monkey off of a person’s back…  (Who thought up that phrase??  A monkey on your back?  Personally, I’d like to have a little monkey to carry around with me.  I’d name him Percy.)  Anyways, what I’m getting at?  This is an important day.

I’m sitting in the auditorium (which is entirely too big for what we need it for… we have 6 new residents…) and I’m counting heads and I only count five…  Hmm… Well, that’s odd.  Certainly not the way I would want to start out the first day of my new CAREER.  read more »

Couldn't Make This Up Random Seriously Funny

Wanted…Jewish Lil’ Wayne?

Good day!

Thank God for Craigslist. I received an e-mail about a recent [fidiculous] listing on CL and after pissing my pants dying of laughter and coming back as A. Musin II; I decided to post this gem:

“My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.

Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.

Serious inquiries only, this is very important to my family. Young Money Baby!”

WHAT THE FUCK!? read more »

About us Random

AbsoHilare Talent Spotlight…

This week we pause to honor one of the great stars of our time.  Not often does someone come along and touch our hearts the way this guy does…  The music he creates, the finesse he possesses… It’s just amazing.  I was given the task of choosing just one clip to showcase the magnitude of talent he holds at his fingertips and trust ME, it was tough.  (Largely in part,  because he doesn’t have fingers…)  I finally narrowed it down to just one and that’s what I’m sharing with you today.  So, everyone, stop and give a great, big AH thank-you to…

Keyboard Cat.

 

Buddy, your charisma and talent are timeless.  Thanks for everything that you do.  Long live, AH!!!

About us Garb Random

25 Things You Thought You’d Never Know About A. Musin

Alright, I promised myself I wouldn’t do one of these things but a certain someone who shall remain anonymous [W. Itty!] begged and pleaded until well…I crumbled. So, without further adeu, 25 things you’d never know about A. Musin.

1) Irony: I have a blog but have a hard time volunteering information about myself. Weird? This was easily one of the most difficult posts for me to compose.

2) I didn’t learn how to use a microwave until a very late age.

3) No one wanted to help me so I tried it myself.  This effort of putting a meal in for 60 seconds ended up in me pressing “60:00″, START! Microwave meal fail. Fire.

4) I don’t like video games, but I will kick your ass in Fifa 09. Just the way it is man, such is life.

5) If AbsoHilare never makes a penny, I’ll still be happy with our comedic contribution to the world. *Wipes sap off hands and keyboard.

6) Clearly I’d love to be rake in the bucks writing ish like this – duh!

7) When I was in prep. school I thought I was the best football (soccer in the states) player. Meh, now that I look back…I was alright.

8 ) I just heard someone ask another passenger on the train “is this the F train?” The other lady (with a baby in stroller) said, “I have no idea.” Uhh, I won’t even touch that one. Both bon foolios.

9) I’m surprised I made it to 9, now I actually think I may be able to get through this. *drinks confidence shake. (Yes, they do make those.)

10) Coming into this I knew deep inside I wouldn’t be able to compete with W. Itty’s 25 things, so far I think my projections were accurate. She’s just done far too much random shite. She still owns her Diary!

11) I once went to an excellent party in the city. I then went on the train and took it from the first stop to last stop and then back to the first stop. DON’T ask!

12) On the same night after the party we went to one of the weigh your plates deli’s in the city and I was starving! It wasn’t until I got to the register and saw my total of $16.80 cents did I realize how much food I hoarded.

[This is the official half way mark. *Intermission. In Jamaica, at the movies, we have an intermission at the half way mark. I kinda miss that portion of the movie going experience. This is a clearly a bonus point.]

13) I seriously had food for about 3 days from this one plate (in #12). No joke. I could NOT  finish it!

14) When I got to college I made a new screen name to keep up with the times. So with that said, I got rid of trusty “GShock3000″ and brought in the flashy & uber creative “Jamaicansju”. Yea, Screen name FAIL! Try saying it out loud. It sounds like Jamaican’s Jew. That’s not who I am.

15) I’m now stuck with it just because everyone has it. Don’t judge me, or my screen name.

16) Growing up I was always the youngest one of the group. So, I’d always try to do the cool shit my older compadres (SAP) would do.

17) We all went swimming @ my neighbors house. Big pool, diving board, slip and slide, people doing flips off the roof. Competitive engine was roaring and I was NOT going to be done by these able swimmers. Oh small tid-bit, I didn’t know how to swim yet…

18) So after I saw my friend Matthew do a front flip off the roof I made an announcement that it was my turn to do my stunt dive. All eyes on Young Musin, the floor was mine (lol). I took off with a burst of speed, jumped for the skies, did a wicked 360 Indy ONLY to land my chin directly on the pool deck.  (Told you the floor was mine). Yea, I didn’t know what happened until I got up to celebrate and wiped red, yellow & white liquids from my chin. Note: Do not try to do stunt dives in the shallow end.

19) I learned how to swim accidentally when I almost drowned in a Jacuzzi in Ocho Rios, JA. After that, I swam my ass of (in said jacuzzi). I was the happiest kid ever. Don’t judge!

20) On my first day of 8th grade after moving to NY from Jamaica, this fat girl in a tight RED shirt made fun of my accent in HOMEROOM. Bright and early. I then told her (in front of the class) that she looked like the wife of the Kool-Aid man. I was then deemed cool and accepted by all.

21) I’ve listened to a Dido song here and there…

22) OK I lied.  I have all of Dido’s albums! I don’t know exactly why but it puts me in a good place. This all started when I used to be up all night in college pushing out papers (that may or may not have already been late).

23) I once had this bullshit 8am class called Discover New York. Dumbest class ever. Long story short I was absent 11 times for two reasons. 1) It was too early. 2) It was Discover New York. Get this, I got a B+  Teachers loved me.

24) On vacation I once partied many (long) nights in a row and ended up missing sunlight one day. Yup, fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the sun was down on the next day. Very vampire-esque – I know.

25) I enjoy telling corny yet crafty pun based jokes. Some may know this, some don’t. My affinity for said comedy is somewhat of an Unsolved Mystery,  eerie theme music and  all. (Yea, too bad I found that funny, wish me luck!)

There it is! Didn’t think I’d be able to do it but I pulled it off. Hallelujah!

Clev, you’re up next week! Go Team!

Long Live AH!