Abso Hilare

I was in charge of speaking at orientation yesterday for all the new residents that were starting off.  Essentially, this is the first day of their new CAREER.  Not just job.  CAREER.  A career that will allow them to help heal minds and get the monkey off of a person’s back…  (Who thought up that phrase??  A monkey on your back?  Personally, I’d like to have a little monkey to carry around with me.  I’d name him Percy.)  Anyways, what I’m getting at?  This is an important day.

I’m sitting in the auditorium (which is entirely too big for what we need it for… we have 6 new residents…) and I’m counting heads and I only count five…  Hmm… Well, that’s odd.  Certainly not the way I would want to start out the first day of my new CAREER.  We decide to begin orientation without her… Ten minutes in?  A blur of tangled brown hair flies past the doorway to the auditorium.  Clearly, this girl was not watching where she was going or she would have stopped at the appropriate door and not sped past it like a bat out of hell.  (Which while we’re on the topic… sort of… Is a bat out of hell faster than a normal bat???)  I’m fairly sure someone (*cough! ME *cough!) made that sound a car makes when it comes to a screeching halt… I dunno… Seemed appropriate…  ANYWAYS, she gets into orientation ten minutes late and finds herself seated next to your’s truly.

Not the best spot if you want to remain unnoticed… I’m a people watcher… I do it like it’s my job…

So, she’s sitting and I get a good look and I start thinking… “My.. that is a LOT of makeup to be wearing for a day outting…  I mean, who wears dark blue eyeshadow?  IT’S SUNNY OUTSIDE.  And her lipstick is just… BRIGHT… And I swear her mascara seems a tad runny or crusty or something…”

And then I look down and see her wrist.

BRIGHT YELLOW PAPER BRACELET.

“2009 45th Anniversary Party!”

You have got to be kidding me.

This girl is still wearing the effing bar bracelet from whatever bar she went to last night.  You know what I’m talking about… The ones you get to scream out, “Look at me!  I’m 21 and I get to drink as much as I want alllllllll night long!!!!”  I’m guessing she got a good hour or two before she hopped on the bar and started dancing to ACDC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long.”  Yeah, it was there… On her wrist.  During her first day at her new job AS A DOCTOR.

And then the rest of it all falls into place… The make up from last night, the overwhelming amount of perfume to cover up the smell of Bar, the frazzled, ten minute late entrance…  All the pieces of the puzzle fit nicely into one big FAIL.

It could’ve been forgiven.  I could’ve cut her some slack.  C’mon… we’ve all been there.  Maybe not to this extent but we’ve been there… But THEN when I see her at the luncheon THREE HOURS LATER… She still has it on.  Seriously.

There is nothing to do with this situation but to chalk it up to one COLOSSAL first day at work FAIL.

Long live AH!