Good day!
Thank God for Craigslist. I received an e-mail about a recent [fidiculous] listing on CL and after pissing my pants dying of laughter and coming back as A. Musin II; I decided to post this gem:
“My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.
Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.
Serious inquiries only, this is very important to my family. Young Money Baby!”
WHAT THE FUCK!?
I don’t even know where to start…I don’t even know if I should start.
*Starts
This is probably the most foul act ever pondered since the beginning of time. “Here is the kicker…” Since when is your son being BLIND to be considered a “kicker?”
Examples of Kickers:
1) I’m selling my car for a low price. Here’s there kicker, it has 300K miles.
2) I’m now good friends with your mother. Here’s the kicker, I bed her AND she likes it rough.
The excerpt above–NOT a kicker, woman! I would in fact like to show you a real kicker, my size 9.5 directly to your chin. Dunce.
This is far too effed up. I realized she said this was a gala. So I’m lead to believe that this kids friends will all be in attendance, right? Right. So unless this kid ONLY hangs out with other blind kids, then don’t you think at least ONE of his [honest] friends would do a little something like this:
Honest Kid: *Pokes blind kid in the side. “Hey dude, its John.”
Blind Kid: Broseph, what’s up? Isn’t this party effin boss? My mom went all out and got Lil’ Wayne and he tore it down!
Honest Kid: Bro, I’ve got shitty news for you.
Blind Kid: Oh what could it be? Nothing could go wrong at my glorious 16th birthday gala, right?
Honest Kid: Ultra wrong. Lil Wayne is not here. He is at a Concert in [wherever]. The dude you just heard is a fat 67 year old Jewish man in a wheelchair. Sorry bro, epic fail.
Blind Kid: *faints
I mean, I’m sure that Honest Kid will be in attendance. Not only will HK be in attendance, he will most likely laugh in BK’s face… (However, BK won’t see it… He’ll only fill the faint droplets of spittle flying onto his cheeks) How does mom do damage control? Does she hide BK in a room separate from all and coax his dear pals into not spilling the beans? Does she make the Jewish Tiny Wayne wannabe perform behind a curtain?? If so, will this only provoke MORE questions and possibly MORE ridicule from HK??? These are the questions that keep me up at night.
And yes, the world is a fucked up place.
Addendum: Tiny Wayne grunts??? Is Mom somehow getting Wayne confused with 1997 Master P??? Please. Any answers would be mucho appreciated. [SAP]
*drops mic.
*does moonwalk of stage (for effect of course).
Long Live AH!
P.s. My video audition got rejected; 
Tags: birthday party, blind, jewish, lil wayne, party, tiny wayne
*rolls on floor in laughter
This shit is hilare (abso actually). And this woman is nuts. And can someone please have Wayne cancel whatever he was planning on going to so that he can make this gala.
*starts Wayne go see the blind kid petition.
When I first found that, I was like major WTF!! but whats really said is that being a teacher, this not too far beyond the scope of understanding that a parent is that f’ing stupid
*trips over the floor-rolling Clev. Pmo, get off the damn floor!
Lets mix it up a bit though. If she was offering 250K for this “faux-formance”, would you do it?
*knocks on the door of your conscience–anybody home?
@Ant, thanks for the forward. I can’t lie though, after reading it I thought to myself, “hm, I wonder WTF Ant was searching for to find this shite…”
So with that said, did you send in your audition video via UPS or FEDEX?
*signs petition… proceeds with comment
I’ve read this post at least 5 times and STILL laugh every time. A) It’s clear the woman doesn’t REALLY know who Tiny Wayne is. B) She evidently has no conscience either. C) I want to be there when HK has the conversation with BK.
Wow your kid listens to rap? feel bad for you, you should show him some real music not sume guy who sounds like hes 10 years old and just sucked a dick rap is shit dosent take any skill to rap.. SYSTEM OF A DOWN!!
if you listen to rap look them up..
I usually do not do commenting. but thanks for this great post and looking forward to more.