It is approximately 7:43 AM as Musin luckily finds himself a seat on a crowded F train. Not the best seat, but at least I don’t have to stand up at this ungodly hour. *phew.
So while doing a small amount of early-marnin’ people watching, I spy with my four-eyes a very fidgety blond haired dame doing the MOST at this early hour. As in, her movements were so sharp and frantic that I thought she was, well…a hungry crackhead! A hungry crackhead not hungry for food, that is. A hungry crackhead, not hungry for food but instead for crack-cocaine. Get me? Good. This is when I tuned in to the show, “Subway Shower, F train edition.”
She hurriedly forced her coat off her person, then mounted her over sized handbag [overnight bag] on her lap and it was off to the races. She was rummaging through that shit like a bum does a dumpster. You might be wondering, “why would you call it a Train Bath Musin?” Well it’s simple what happened. Here is my take: this girl slept out at (probably) some male friend’s house and was late to get to class so she just got up and ran to the train. Take this as fact for the following reasons:
1) She pulled out her bottle of lady spray and went to work! She sprayed her soul with this misty musk; her soul!
2) She took out a beat up bottle of Poland Spring and took a swig–of water. She then swished the H20 around then swallowed. Poland Spring mouth wash, yup, she did that.
3) Smart girl she is. Right after the gargle and rinse of warm tap water she IMMEDIATELY flung a stick of Winterfresh in her mouth; brilliant! Minty fresh for the day, no? NO! Fail, you nasty mofette.
4) This is when I was sold. After she did everything else this girl dug her left arm to the depths of her bag, uncapped her deodorant, raised the arms and applied–ON THE TRAIN. Now, I’ve seen girls do their make up on the train and that’s alright (I guess), but you can’t tell me that the rubbing of one’s antiperspirant onto their person is OK.
She then went on to do her homework…hm, wonder what she did last night? Freak nasty had time to hit the sheets but not the shower eh? Anti-bueno!
*drops microphone. (yes, we do love to drop the microphone–I knew you were wondering.)
*picks up the microphone; drops it again.
*does the electric slide.
Long Live AH.