February 19, 2008 – 6:45 pm
The other day I was watching Dr. Phil. On a commercial break, a brief “news update” came on. The anchor asked “what is in your fridge?” She continued “…and why you could die from eating a certain food…tune in at 9.” I dropped the fork.
I wonder why a news provider would make such a horrific statement with no supporting details explaining or qualifying her statement. I imagine this problem will only get worse and the following quotes will be in a “news brief” in the near future.
“Why you might have brain cancer…tune it at 8.”
“Why the person next to you is a murderer…see you in 30 minutes.”
“Why you might die if you leave the house…see you in six hours?”
I believe the media’s intention is to leave its viewers in a perpetual state of fear.
Thoughts?
February 12, 2008 – 11:28 am
The other day I went to a bar and saw a man do the harlem shake for three hours with no break. It was upsetting to know that he was so intent on replicating the early millenium shimmy dance.
However, I was assured to know whenever I looked to that side of the bar, this young man would be doing this pseudo crack shimmy as if his mother would be raped by a gaggle of silver back apes if he thought about stopping.
He was lonely like Farrakhan at a white-woman-pork-convention and he sweated like a hooker in church.
Has anyone else seen someone dance with such reckless abandon?
December 20, 2007 – 9:07 am
Well I have. The other day I bought some popular, and heavily advertised, deodorant body spray. I made this purchase in haste since I had not fully stocked my toiletry bag before my cross-country flight to the east coast. I went against my better judgement and did not buy the roll-on anti-perspirant I’ve used for years, and which has served me well.
I will never buy this deodorant body spray again.
Not only is using this stuff like getting blasted on the chest and underarm with a pressurized computer keyboard cleaner; it doesn’t work! I finished my holiday shopping smelling like a bag of old nickels. Imagine my horror when I went to reach for a gift card in a popular electronics store and caught a whiff of…me!
This deodorant body spray sure let me down. It has led me to revert to the way of thinking which got me this far in life:
Never change, don’t try anything new, and stick to what you know…or else you will end up smelling like a three day old submarine sandwich from Trenton.
-M. Randy