Category Archives: About us

About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up

An AbsoHilare Christmas

January 4, 2010 – 7:27 pm

‘Twas the morning of Christmas and all was jolly in the halls of the Clarke household. Everyone had just consumed a solid breakfast and it was now time to open the gifts. I came prepared this year, top notch gifts for the family members across the board. *pats self on back.

The way it works is like this, whoever is getting the gifts gets all their gifts at once. Example, if Its “my turn”, I get all my shit from everyone then and there. Less confusion and it gets it all out the way at once. No back and forth. So after my father got all his gifts, it was my brother’s turn. Sister got him a new camera, I got him a RL shirt, and then my mom decides to pop up with her slew of gifts…

Right off the bat she steals the effin’ show. (Note: my mother is WAY out of touch with pop culture.) She excitedly hands him a small well wrapped gift as her first of 4 items. With a huge smile my brother begins violently unwrapping this gift. So I’m like, what the fuck could that be?! I wish I had never asked!

Turns out it was a t-shirt, he opened it with the front facing him. So all I saw was a black t-shirt; until he turned it around. This was the time in which I realized my 29-year old brother had just received a Twilight t-shirt with Edward Cullen’s FACE on the front. It was OVER! My sister hit the floor, dying with laughter. I couldn’t contain my chuckles either, I was belting them out.

The best was my mom’s face when her children were rolling on the floor in laughter after opening her first gift. The funny thing is she was like, “well I thought he would love it, its all the rage these days.” Yeah mom, it might be–for sappy 14-year old teenage girls! Needless to say the latter 3 gifts made up for the first, but that shit was epic.

[Some of you may have heard this before, but this part I saved ONLY for the purpose of this post.]

After my brother got his gifts, my mother got hers and then it was my turn. Brother gave me a nice sweater, sister got me a nice pair of jeans, then it was time to open mom’s gift.

I’m (clearly) already leery about her Christmas contributions but what else can I do, NOT open my mother’s Christmas gifts? As I pick up this tightly wrapped gift I hear my mother chuckle to herself in the corner. At that point I knew it, I KNEW the loss that was coming to smite me. Ripped open the gift and just as I thought–another fucking Twilight shirt. Hello Fail whale! Same shit too! At that point I really had to give her a talking to. Lucky for her she got me some other boss gifts to make up for it.

Christmas was hilare, clearly.

Happy New Year!
-A. Musin

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About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random Subway Chronicles

Subway Chronicles Pt. 14 “Train Fails”

September 4, 2009 – 11:55 am

I know I know…the posts have somewhat decreased but fret not young world, AH is still very much alive and well. Team is doing well, work just kicks THE most arse this summer. Yarr.

So over the past few weeks I’ve seen a few chucklers on the good ole’ iron horse but I wanted to compile a list of hilarity to deliver all at once. Well, what are you waiting for, see list below:

1) The F train stops at 71st Street to do the most intense transfer [blatant hyperbole] known to man. People are flying in and out of this train trying to scramble to catch the next. So this older chubby dude was the last to attempt the switch; his face meeting only the soon closing doors. With one last burst of energy he forced one arm in and lodged his shoulder in the door. Wild already. So he then pulls some Hulk shit and rips open the door of the train. With grease stains and all Captain Rotund finally lands his first foot through the now open door. AS he THINKS to lift the other leg to make the big walk in comes the NYPD, “excuse me sir, get off the damn train and show me some ID.” Yea, fail! read more »

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About us Couldn't Make This Up Random The Haps

Kill the DJ

August 13, 2009 – 10:50 pm

First of all, let it be known that I was legitimately infuriated by the entertainment provided.

We went out to celebrate for my good friends birthday and UNFORTUNATELY we were provided music by the earth’s most annoying disc jockey–ever.

I seriously wanted to hurl a bucket of damp, recently chewed chicken bones at this man. I understand as a DJ you should love the music, but this man took it to an all new level–that of a nuisance.

I’d like to remind you that the events listed on AbsoHilare.com are all 100% factual and can be verified if necessary. Anywho, with that said, I would like to let you in on the fact that this DJ came out with all the bells and whistles–literally! By that I mean he brought with him a microphone, two turntables, some random DJ software, a bell and a blasted whistle! read more »

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About us Random

AbsoHilare Talent Spotlight…

June 10, 2009 – 11:24 am

This week we pause to honor one of the great stars of our time.  Not often does someone come along and touch our hearts the way this guy does…  The music he creates, the finesse he possesses… It’s just amazing.  I was given the task of choosing just one clip to showcase the magnitude of talent he holds at his fingertips and trust ME, it was tough.  (Largely in part,  because he doesn’t have fingers…)  I finally narrowed it down to just one and that’s what I’m sharing with you today.  So, everyone, stop and give a great, big AH thank-you to…

Keyboard Cat.

 

Buddy, your charisma and talent are timeless.  Thanks for everything that you do.  Long live, AH!!!

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About us Garb Random

25 Things You Thought You’d Never Know About A. Musin

June 4, 2009 – 9:11 am

Alright, I promised myself I wouldn’t do one of these things but a certain someone who shall remain anonymous [W. Itty!] begged and pleaded until well…I crumbled. So, without further adeu, 25 things you’d never know about A. Musin.

1) Irony: I have a blog but have a hard time volunteering information about myself. Weird? This was easily one of the most difficult posts for me to compose.

2) I didn’t learn how to use a microwave until a very late age.

3) No one wanted to help me so I tried it myself.  This effort of putting a meal in for 60 seconds ended up in me pressing “60:00″, START! Microwave meal fail. Fire.

4) I don’t like video games, but I will kick your ass in Fifa 09. Just the way it is man, such is life.

5) If AbsoHilare never makes a penny, I’ll still be happy with our comedic contribution to the world. *Wipes sap off hands and keyboard.

6) Clearly I’d love to be rake in the bucks writing ish like this – duh!

7) When I was in prep. school I thought I was the best football (soccer in the states) player. Meh, now that I look back…I was alright.

8 ) I just heard someone ask another passenger on the train “is this the F train?” The other lady (with a baby in stroller) said, “I have no idea.” Uhh, I won’t even touch that one. Both bon foolios.

9) I’m surprised I made it to 9, now I actually think I may be able to get through this. *drinks confidence shake. (Yes, they do make those.)

10) Coming into this I knew deep inside I wouldn’t be able to compete with W. Itty’s 25 things, so far I think my projections were accurate. She’s just done far too much random shite. She still owns her Diary!

11) I once went to an excellent party in the city. I then went on the train and took it from the first stop to last stop and then back to the first stop. DON’T ask!

12) On the same night after the party we went to one of the weigh your plates deli’s in the city and I was starving! It wasn’t until I got to the register and saw my total of $16.80 cents did I realize how much food I hoarded.

[This is the official half way mark. *Intermission. In Jamaica, at the movies, we have an intermission at the half way mark. I kinda miss that portion of the movie going experience. This is a clearly a bonus point.]

13) I seriously had food for about 3 days from this one plate (in #12). No joke. I could NOT  finish it!

14) When I got to college I made a new screen name to keep up with the times. So with that said, I got rid of trusty “GShock3000″ and brought in the flashy & uber creative “Jamaicansju”. Yea, Screen name FAIL! Try saying it out loud. It sounds like Jamaican’s Jew. That’s not who I am.

15) I’m now stuck with it just because everyone has it. Don’t judge me, or my screen name.

16) Growing up I was always the youngest one of the group. So, I’d always try to do the cool shit my older compadres (SAP) would do.

17) We all went swimming @ my neighbors house. Big pool, diving board, slip and slide, people doing flips off the roof. Competitive engine was roaring and I was NOT going to be done by these able swimmers. Oh small tid-bit, I didn’t know how to swim yet…

18) So after I saw my friend Matthew do a front flip off the roof I made an announcement that it was my turn to do my stunt dive. All eyes on Young Musin, the floor was mine (lol). I took off with a burst of speed, jumped for the skies, did a wicked 360 Indy ONLY to land my chin directly on the pool deck.  (Told you the floor was mine). Yea, I didn’t know what happened until I got up to celebrate and wiped red, yellow & white liquids from my chin. Note: Do not try to do stunt dives in the shallow end.

19) I learned how to swim accidentally when I almost drowned in a Jacuzzi in Ocho Rios, JA. After that, I swam my ass of (in said jacuzzi). I was the happiest kid ever. Don’t judge!

20) On my first day of 8th grade after moving to NY from Jamaica, this fat girl in a tight RED shirt made fun of my accent in HOMEROOM. Bright and early. I then told her (in front of the class) that she looked like the wife of the Kool-Aid man. I was then deemed cool and accepted by all.

21) I’ve listened to a Dido song here and there…

22) OK I lied.  I have all of Dido’s albums! I don’t know exactly why but it puts me in a good place. This all started when I used to be up all night in college pushing out papers (that may or may not have already been late).

23) I once had this bullshit 8am class called Discover New York. Dumbest class ever. Long story short I was absent 11 times for two reasons. 1) It was too early. 2) It was Discover New York. Get this, I got a B+  Teachers loved me.

24) On vacation I once partied many (long) nights in a row and ended up missing sunlight one day. Yup, fell asleep and didn’t wake up until the sun was down on the next day. Very vampire-esque – I know.

25) I enjoy telling corny yet crafty pun based jokes. Some may know this, some don’t. My affinity for said comedy is somewhat of an Unsolved Mystery,  eerie theme music and  all. (Yea, too bad I found that funny, wish me luck!)

There it is! Didn’t think I’d be able to do it but I pulled it off. Hallelujah!

Clev, you’re up next week! Go Team!

Long Live AH!

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