Category Archives: Abso Ridic

About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Nine to Five Random

Some Sh*t You Just Don’t Do Pt. 2

April 3, 2008 – 9:15 am

“….As I step into the bathroom I was abruptly met by a pungent toxin-like stench. I took a look around to ensure that no one had died and then I realized someone was doing the “Shitty-Feet”. This is when there is someone taking a crap in the stall and all you see is their feet…”

Just my luck!

Once again I step to el baño (yeah…I like to mix in a little Español here and there to keep you on your toes) to relieve my bladder and surely there is someone already seated with some shit going on. (No pun intended?) Oddly, as of late it seems like every time I wander off to the the lavatory someone is there, taking a crap. No lie! It is quite disturbing folks, I’ve even tried to go to another bathroom, same deal. I know its weird but this is what happens so I figured I would share it with you.

So, as I enter bathroom I am immediately blind sighted by the most FOUL one-two punch of STANK in ages. ‘Twas not pleasant, at all! So the way this here bathroom is situated is as follows. You have three urinals then the stalls beside them. I chose to use the one furthest away from the stall as to attempt to dodge the stench. So I’m handling my business and while habitually observing my surroundings I stumble upon someone else doing the “Shitty Feet”. This man however, was a Shitty Feet professional.

There was NO shame in his game. Now, at my place of employment (as like many others) we have our I.D cards in order to swipe between different levels of the building. Could it just have been the shitty luck of this man to have caused his Shitty Feet to be displayed DIRECTLY beside his WORK I.D ?!? I tell you this, I was CRACKIN’ UP! I mean, he HAD to hear me laughing because he did a little foot shuffle. He was doing what I have come to call the “Identified Shitty Feet”. Name, picture and department out for all for the world to see.

I am sorry to do this BUT…Mr. Kester Julian, If you are reading this sir, please be more careful when doing the Shitty Feet. That is all.

Now, I’m off to Martial Arts class. (Pah! What a fu*kin Lie! Carry on now…Nothing else to see here)

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About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up

RAISE THE ROOF!!

March 24, 2008 – 9:35 pm

Another Sunday has just passed and with Sunday for Musin, comes church (said like chuuuch).

This time around they decided to bring in an ex-member of a once internationally popular contemporary gospel group. This was sure to be an entertaining piece, but I really had no idea what was in store for me.

The idea of what I was in for came to me within the first five seconds of the performance. The overly enthusiastic performer uttered “Please CUE my MUSIC…Track 2 !” as his first line. From there, I KNEW i was in for a show. The track plays, and the one man show begins. When I tell you this man was a gospel machine, I mean it! No lie here, none. Dance, Song, More dance even a little interlude with a small story, miniature testimony and even a tiny sermon mixed in. One man team here folks, no doubt about it. ( He did SIX full length church songs during his overstayed visit to the stage.)

I knew this had potential to make the AH ranks but it wasn’t until the height of his performance did I realize that this HAD to be posted. I come to church late all the time, not accidentally, simply because in my eyes the service is entirely too long. If I get lucky I can find a seat in the back, if not…front row it is. This Sunday my lateness landed me a prime front row view, dead center. So as this man gets into what HAD to have been his favorite song out of no where he (wildly) begins to RAISE THE ROOF!! I was flabbergasted, I could not even think to tell you when was the last time I/anyone I knew RAISED THE ROOF. This daring performer took a bold step into church history by pulling this move.

So as I CRACK UP about how ridiculous this RAISING OF THE ROOF is, I turn around to make sure that my cousin realizes how wild it is that the performer is RAISING THE ROOF only to see the ENTIRE congregation RAISING THE ROOF. It was then, that i knew, it HAD to come back. I was in disbelief for a good 2 whole minutes…until I then found myself RAISING said ROOF. That thing sure is catchy…

Does anyone remember when it was big back in the day? If you were raising the roof you were undoubtedly having a GOOD TIME! It’s only right that we bring it back. Since then, I’ve Raised the roof from NY to DC and back. I’ve raised the roof in the office, I’ve raised the roof at parties, I’ve raised the roof in team meetings, I’ve raised the roof in my bosses office, I will continue to RAISE THE ROOF until it regains the strength it one had.

I now even use it to replace the word “yes”. Like so…

Random: Hey Musin, are you going to post that hilarious shite (no typo, shite is what we say) we saw the other day?

Musin: [* Furiously Raises the Roof*]

It works like a charm, and it leaves no gray area. If you raise the roof you are DOWN for whatever you have agreed to, by law.

Cheers….to raising the roof!

Comments (30)
Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random Seriously Funny

Musclebound MIDGET

March 5, 2008 – 5:36 pm

Ok,

Before you watch this video PLEASE ensure you are not eating/drinking anything because you WILL lose it. I mean it will be infront of you/on your screen but who wants to eat that? Unless your really hungry and if you are hungry enough to scrape food you laughed up off your keyboard and consume it you need to re-evaluate your life… I’m rambling? Yes. Haven’t posted in a while so I feel like I’m allowed ramble a little. Fret not, I’m done. Moving along…

I’m having a (very) hard time keeping my job with this blasted ROMEO image stuck in my head. Everytime it comes up or I click on the tab accidentally I explode laughing as if it’s the first time, it only gets funnier. If you look at that slide show and do not laugh then there is something SERIOUSLY wrong with you and I’m sorry to hear and I hope you/they feel better.

I REALLY do NOT need to expound on how RIDICULOUS this is. Do I? Oh… I do? Hmph!…Fine!

First of all, ROMEO!?! I just KNOW this lil’ mofo was trying to be smooth upon deciding to have people refer to him as ‘Romeo’. I can’t for the life of me even understand how his colleagues (if he has any) even let this come to be. He isn’t even THREE FEET tall, where the HELL does he get off lifting weights?! He could easily develop a hernia the size of…well….HIM!

Now i know some people might think that picking on this little man (no pun intended) might be mean, to you I say this…COME ONNNN!! He is asking for it! We first spotted this bit of funny on Robert’s blog and knew we had to shed light on it.

Now upon watching this I am asking that you cast your vote for funniest picture in the slide. I cannot WAIT for these comments (mental jukebox plays “Can’t Wait by Sleepy Brown ft. Big Boi).

Good to be back folks!

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About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random

Things of that Nature…PMO!

February 27, 2008 – 10:03 am

(Picks up microphone at podium)

Firstly,

I can’t STAND office meetings. I don’t know what it is but as soon as I even peer into the conference room it’s almost as if I become locked in a choke hold of sleep! I can hang for about a good 15-20 minutes without dozing but after that all bets are OFF!

This time however I got caught off guard with a serious double whammy. Not only was I trying to loosen the grip of the sandman but I was also being subjected (repeatedly) to the most annoying, overused, thoughtless phrase known to man. I wanted to rip my ears off, then, paste them over my eyes as to not hear or see anything else related this corpulent pile of bore.

Blah blah blah blah blah and “Things of that nature.”

BOO! I mean, once here and there i can’t get mad at that. (Even though I will because I hate it.) But this man was blatantly abusing this cop out phrase. It’s clearly a phrase for people who lacking in vocabulary stature or are simply fluffing the majority of their sentence. Evil people they are, evil. This man wasn’t even using it as a life boat, he just LOVED using it. Imagine every other sentence ending in things of that nature.

Imagine if I was to tell you about boring things you would be uninterested, disappointed, pissed and things of that nature. When you read AbsoHilare you enjoy yourself, laugh, tell your friends and things of that nature. PYO (Pissin’ You Off) yet? It’s definitely PMO! If it isn’t lets continue…So during the week most adults go to work, go to after work events, watch TV/Movies and things of that nature. On the weekends these folks usually use the extra time to hang out late, shop plenty, hang out late and things of that nature. PMO!

I can’t even put myself through the pain of typing this anymore. It’s either you learn some more damn words or wrap the sh*t up. You can use a period you know. What usually pisses me off is when it is used the sentence was already over! 99.9% of the time its used for no reason, only to piss me off apparently. Either learn some more synonymous terminologies or end the friggin sentence.

(Puts down the microphone and walks off stage with both hands in the air. No reason for hands in the air to be honest just for show, adds effect. Respect my hands in the air.)

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Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Just Ignant Random

Diddy: His Face Ran Into My Hand

February 20, 2008 – 2:07 pm

I know we tend to make statements and then let you in on the fact that they are fibs, but this…this time, this all true. (That was a lie. Just Kidding! Imagine though!! You wouldn’t trust a word said here….wait, do you? Do I? I Digress?)

If the content in the title looks and sounds stupid, it’s not. It’s beyond stupid, dumb would be an understatement. There actually isn’t a word to properly identify the level of retardation needed to not only come up with, but also to use that statement under oath, in front of a JUDGE!

It seems that breaking the law is only a reason to come up with a stupid legal defense.

We told you about Roger Clemons last week and his whole “he misheard” defense. (PAH!)

Now this week, Diddy has bought a first class ticket on the stupid train (that was wack? Blame American Gladiators).

Not sure if you’ve heard about Diddy’s assault case. However, Diddy’s defense is…this is abso ridic…the man’s face ran into his HAND. What?!?!? Is that the best you can do? Who’s buying that?

Seriously Diddy, you’re going to go into a court of LAW and say judge, “I didn’t hit that man (even though 4 people said they saw me do it). What ACTUALLY happened is that I lifted my hands up and his face ran into them.” Yeah, ok.

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