Category Archives: Random

Certain issues just dont have an umbrella to sit under. Give them a comfy home–right here.

Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random Seriously Funny

Officer Failure to the Rescue

February 15, 2011 – 8:19 pm

Alright, so I know it has been quite some time since I’ve updated the good ole’ AH but it has been (and still is) really hectic on this side of the fence.

This post is actually very drive-by-esque, quick & effective. No, I have not played any part in a drive-by so don’t even start looking for your gavel, “judge [insert last name here]“. Anyways, this past weekend a close collegiate colleague of mine played witness to some random hilarity and was kind enough to share with me. With that said, I decided to share with you all. After all, sharing is caring mofo.

At first, just looking at this picture I laughed. After hearing the story of the words attached to this image I was near tears. In truth, it was M. Randy who called me directly to discuss the madness. You know shit is a big deal when someone actually picks up the phone and makes a call, you just know it. After offering up a long stare at the image I couldn’t [at all] guess what this cop was saying to this incapacitated Mexican. The body language was just all too confusing. So, with that said, I went ahead and guessed a few possible options…I think these are all quite plausible:

1) “Hey bro, are you alright?”
2) “Have you ever seen Machete?”
3) “Better yet, do you own a Machete? I’m just asking.”
4) “Almost there buddy, you were 3 steps away from Corona heaven.”
5) “Marco…”
6) “What’s the big idea with the hat? Is that some cross-border trend or are you trying to block the sun? If trend, please keep it over yonder.”
7) “Ha! Guess they didn’t teach you how to say ‘Don’t tase me bro’ in your local ESL class.”

Believe it or not, all of the above guesses were incorrect. Pmo. Here’s what the fuzz actually said: “Hombre, hombre…how many cervezas?” LOL! As you could probably guess, there was no response from our hat wearing corona-seeking friend. Oh come on! Who really thought it was a coincidence that there’s a lifetime supply of Corona in the background? Not I. Nor did you. The best part is, after not getting any response from this probably unconscious man the officer went on to say what? Oh you guessed it: “Hombre, hombre….how many cervezas?” That is all he said to this man, that’s the best you could do Officer? #polociafail.

-A. Musin
Long Live AH!

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Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random Seriously Funny

If Facebook Existed Ages Ago…

September 20, 2010 – 9:36 pm

[Tone: calm]

Folks, please realize that I plow through mounds of e-bullshit on a daily basis. Whether it be someone’s favorite the stupidest YouTube clip of the day, some dumb BlackBerry Messenger purple fuckry forward, or some lazy chain e-mail–it comes my way often, very much so.

Well, this time we have a winner! I wish I knew who came up with these screen-shots filled with brilliance but unfortunately I do not. If you do know who put these things together, please don’t hesitate to let us know.

Now, please see below for a slew of screen-shots that almost made me laugh my way out of a job earlier on today. Also, while you’re here, if you are a Family Guy fan do yourself the favor of clicking here: YouTube can be alright sometimes, especially when it has classic Family Guy clips. Don’t judge me.

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Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Garb Random

Oh You Fancy, Huh?

July 22, 2010 – 10:47 am

Background: It was Easter Sunday. The end.

Oh come on! Don’t be surprised, you already know you don’t need any more background information than that. The world knows that Easter Sunday is when you can expect to see the most efforts in fanciness that your mind can fathom. This happens because this is when the folks that never come to church decide to show up for the “holiday-blessings”. I’m certain you are familiar with their kind; the people that show up on Easter, Mother’s Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas and even New Years if they feel like it. The New Year effort is to attempt to start of the year fresh; sin-free even. The reason these people look so foolish at the service is because of one of the two following things:

1) They do not own many suits or clothing acceptable for the house of Baby Jesus.
2) They own plenty suits, unfortunately all from their disco days. (Note: this options yields the most hilarity)

Now I can’t honestly say I have the slightest clue where this man found his inspiration to throw together this ensemble but without further adieu I present to you one of the most fancy failures in Easter Sunday History:

oh you fancy huh? tie done. tie done. everything did.

"oh you fancy huh? tie done. tie done. everything did."

THIS SHIT IS WILD! What do you think he was thinking? How does one adequately define the expression on this man’s face? The best I  could come up with is comfortably awkward.

I now leave the floor open for captions for this man’s outfit. I had a ton of them attack the forefront of my mind all at once.

“I didn’t know which one to wear so I wore both.”
“I didn’t know which one I liked more; it was a tie.”
“Close knotted race, on my chest area.”
“You like this? Knot me.”

Alright I’m going to stop here. Take it away.

p.s. A friend of mine took this pic and I seriously have no idea how it came out this clear. I would’ve been laughing so hard the image clarity would have been poor at best.

Long Live AH!

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Random

Stop! Hammer time.

May 19, 2010 – 1:57 pm

Just admit it. You’ve missed us. You’ve been worried sick, haven’t you? You’ve even considered contacting the authorities. We knew it!

Ok, fine.

You did none of those things. But you DID miss our hilarity. It’s ok. It’s a natural reaction. But the good news? We’re back! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Settle. We’re not promising anything regular because we do happen to have very busy lives at the moment but we’re back… for now.

Today we bring you the story of a thief, a felon, a crook. Except, he’s not your average crook. He’s an idiot. Allow us to copy and paste pieces of the article and we’ll dissect it for you.

“A man brought a hammer to a Lexington restaurant on Tuesday night. But he was no Mr. Fixit.”

I’m sorry… What? So, the Mr. Fixit line? Well that leads us to believe he was there with ill intent in mind. But come ON! A hammer? The man chose a HAMMER as his weapon of choice. Foolery. We’ll continue…

“Police say a man entered the Subway on Waller Avenue and ordered a sandwich around 7 p.m. Then he pulled out a hammer and ordered some money. The robber ran out with an undisclosed amount of cash.”

Whoever that cashier was? FIRED. Who’s intimidated by an effing hammer?! What’s he going to do with it? His range with his arm surely can’t be that long. I mean, it’s not like Tiny Head Howard walked into the joint with his Go-go Gadget Arms and demanded money. We’re going to assume this thief was of average size. So, Mr. Cashier, we ask you this: Have you ever heard of the concept of ducking? Yeah. Clearly not.

Notice the time of the robbery. 7pm. That happens to be right around prime dinner-time rush. What were the other patrons doing? Our guess? Laughing. Laughing so hard that they could neither stop the crook or help the cashier. Why? Because they just saw someone get owned… with a hammer.

Then again, this article could be leaving out some important info. What exactly was the robber planning on doing with the hammer? I mean, are we talking skull smashing? That’s the most likely bet but what if he just wanted to smash some veggie cases? Wreck the oven for the bread? These are all possible scenarios and without all the details we can’t judge…too much.

Regardless, the final verdict of this story: There are entirely too many MC Hammer jokes to be made. Oh, and that crook? 100% fool. Ranks right up there with the sleepy thief…

Long live AH!

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Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random

Of Course This is a Person.

March 10, 2010 – 11:57 am

I know, the site hasn’t been updated in a while but fret not–we are still here & still stirring up hilarity. See proof below.

Now, this has to be is certainly one of the top ten most ridiculous things I’ve ever read in my life; and I see a plenty o’ ridic shite on the reg. Hm, remember when people used to say that? “On the reg”, what ever happened to that one? Ah well, *moves on.

For the folks reading that are not familiar with the HOV lane, it’s a lane reserved for cars on busy highways carrying 2 or more persons. These vehicles are considered to be High Occupancy Vehicles (HOV). Thus, if you are the only one in your car, stay the eff out of that lane. Got it? Good. Now that you’ve digested that tidbit please see image below displaying the highest heights of fuckry:

dunce.

dunce.

Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. That actually IS a mannequin sporting a blazer, scarf and sunglasses. Very storefront display-esque, too bad it was nowhere near a storefront but actually in some scallywag’s passenger seat! This immediately lends me the opportunity to inquire, “what part of the game is this?” Are you that stupid or were you just that late? Or, are you actually a high-level functioning retard? I bet you this was something she did on the reg (I believe people should still use this) too. Silly mofette.

[For those who aren't aware, a "mofette" is the female version of a mofo. Just wanted everyone to be on the same page.]

This whole scenario has opened my mind to a slew of even more ridiculous mannequin related faux-passenger scenarios:

1) Does “it” have a name?
2) Does she change the faux-passenger’s style to be in season? Meaning, does “it” wear t-shirts in the summer? Winter jackets when it snows? Hilare, hilare.
3) What does she do with it when she gets to her destination? Imagine this car with said mannequin arriving at work; does everyone just see it and keep it moving? Hell no!
4) What happens at stop lights? Oh, loss.
5) What would happen if she got pulled over by the police–oh shit! We have that answer! I’ll take “how to get a ridiculous ticket for $2000 Alex?” *buzzer sounds* “Daily Double!”

Just in case you think there was only one idiot foolish enough to attempt this, think again: Mega-Dunce. The best part about this article is the note reading, “As for his passenger, well, he’s not talking either.” Hilare.

P.s. Happy 70th Birthday, Chuck Norris!

Good day!
-A. Musin.

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