I know I know…the posts have somewhat decreased but fret not young world, AH is still very much alive and well. Team is doing well, work just kicks THE most arse this summer. Yarr.
So over the past few weeks I’ve seen a few chucklers on the good ole’ iron horse but I wanted to compile a list of hilarity to deliver all at once. Well, what are you waiting for, see list below:
1) The F train stops at 71st Street to do the most intense transfer [blatant hyperbole] known to man. People are flying in and out of this train trying to scramble to catch the next. So this older chubby dude was the last to attempt the switch; his face meeting only the soon closing doors. With one last burst of energy he forced one arm in and lodged his shoulder in the door. Wild already. So he then pulls some Hulk shit and rips open the door of the train. With grease stains and all Captain Rotund finally lands his first foot through the now open door. AS he THINKS to lift the other leg to make the big walk in comes the NYPD, “excuse me sir, get off the damn train and show me some ID.” Yea, fail! read more »
First of all, let it be known that I was legitimately infuriated by the entertainment provided.
We went out to celebrate for my good friends birthday and UNFORTUNATELY we were provided music by the earth’s most annoying disc jockey–ever.
I seriously wanted to hurl a bucket of damp, recently chewed chicken bones at this man. I understand as a DJ you should love the music, but this man took it to an all new level–that of a nuisance.
I’d like to remind you that the events listed on AbsoHilare.com are all 100% factual and can be verified if necessary. Anywho, with that said, I would like to let you in on the fact that this DJ came out with all the bells and whistles–literally! By that I mean he brought with him a microphone, two turntables, some random DJ software, a bell and a blasted whistle! read more »
I was in charge of speaking at orientation yesterday for all the new residents that were starting off. Essentially, this is the first day of their new CAREER. Not just job. CAREER. A career that will allow them to help heal minds and get the monkey off of a person’s back… (Who thought up that phrase?? A monkey on your back? Personally, I’d like to have a little monkey to carry around with me. I’d name him Percy.) Anyways, what I’m getting at? This is an important day.
I’m sitting in the auditorium (which is entirely too big for what we need it for… we have 6 new residents…) and I’m counting heads and I only count five… Hmm… Well, that’s odd. Certainly not the way I would want to start out the first day of my new CAREER. read more »
Thank God for Craigslist. I received an e-mail about a recent [fidiculous] listing on CL and after pissing my pants dying of laughter and coming back as A. Musin II; I decided to post this gem:
“My son is turning 16 and really wanted Lil Wayne to perform for his birthday gala. Unfortunately his schedule will not permit him to make it. I need a Lil Wayne impersonator desperately.
Here is the kicker my son is blind so you do not need to look like the rapper just sound like him. I understand he grunts and mumbles a lot. I don’t care if you are 67 and Jewish if you can sing the songs you’re hired. Money is not an issue. Name your price. Interested individuals please let me know your rap experience, video of you performing as Lil Wayne would be better. If that is not feasible we can arrange for a live audition.
Serious inquiries only, this is very important to my family. Young Money Baby!”
This week we pause to honor one of the great stars of our time. Not often does someone come along and touch our hearts the way this guy does… The music he creates, the finesse he possesses… It’s just amazing. I was given the task of choosing just one clip to showcase the magnitude of talent he holds at his fingertips and trust ME, it was tough. (Largely in part, because he doesn’t have fingers…) I finally narrowed it down to just one and that’s what I’m sharing with you today. So, everyone, stop and give a great, big AH thank-you to…
Keyboard Cat.
Buddy, your charisma and talent are timeless. Thanks for everything that you do. Long live, AH!!!