Alarms, a solid way to protect your home for burglary/theft. Not at home? No problem, fire up the good old alarm, put on the code and your off to tackle the day.

Now, I’ve used an alarm or two in my day but NEVER in my life have I ever heard an alarm this fidiculous (fuckin ridiculous, use it if you want, its cool). Safe to say I get off the train at one of the safest neighborhoods in Queens, with some nice sized homes. Apparently the well-off owner of this home was a damn fool, don’t believe me? Read on.

So I see the little (useless) neighborhood patrol car (armed and ready with the latest flashlight and nextel) outside of this home  flashing his yellow lights. As I walk closer to scene of this potential break in I happen to hear the warning message some jackass programmed to go off when someone breaks into their home! The robotic voiced monotonous message went as follows:

“You have illegally entered a home protected by a security system; so…Run for it! Run for it! Run for it! It said that shit about a dozen times! The effed up part about it is if I was the thief (not that this would ever be the case, ever) I would clearly be caught red handed, on the floor even, in tears–from laughter! I could’nt escape with shit hearing an alarm system telling me to “run for it”. Home owner, you win! Happy Friday & Long live AH!

*Ultra Important Announcement: (*cue drom roll……) We have a new member of the AH team, W. Itty! She will join forces along with myself, V. Clev & M. Randy in ensuring that hilarity lives on. To W. Itty, Cheers!