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About us Random Subway Chronicles

Subway Chronicles Pt. 13: Train Door Fail

Now listen, this could easily be one of those “Well I guess you had to be there…” moments but eff it, if I laughed so will you. [*puts on serious face]

This whole scenario all started with what I like to call the “Metromix” [no, not the city guide site - Solidtrip.com is better anyway]. The Metromix is when someone collects one too many metro cards over time and decides to throw them all in one place then play Go Fish when they get to the turnstile; dunces. (Anyone who takes the train often is guilty of doing the Metromix, don’t even lie!) I just save myself the hassle, get a new card!

So this lady is seriously tearing UP the Metromix dancefloor and continually getting denied. She even took a blow to the mid-section when she thought she found “the one” and thrusted forward only to catch a bar to the belly. It’s physics lady, a moving force against an immovable force will surely result in an epic fail. loss

So when my turn comes to swipe, I use my [only] metro card and go about my business (after laughing @ her? Perhaps?). So I wait a few seconds, the train door opens and I get on comfortably and take a seat. Standard there, nothing too different from the usual. I turn on the play list of choice, look up and I see this lady SPRINTING (almost gliding even) down the steps! (*Cue “We Are the Champions”)

Let’s say she was roughly about 4 rungs & 3 steps away from the door. Her face was beyond determined, it reminded me of Usain Bolt on the way to winning his first gold. But, there was no gold for this lady, only metal. The visual of two slowly closing train doors with her face behind the glass, on the wrong side = LOSS! She then went from the Usain Bolt face to the who stole my puppy face. This folks, this is what happens when you try your luck at the Metro-Roulette.

Hm, I’ll leave on that note. Good day!

Oh, Long Live AH!

About us Nine to Five Random

Too early to be so effin’ chipper…

You know how at Starbucks the employees working the drive-thru are required to make small-talk with you while you wait for your drink?  Oh.  You didn’t?  Well, they are.  And it annoys me.  I’m rarely at Starbucks other than in the morning… It’s my jumpstart, my little kick to start my day.  A delicious, grande non-fat cinnamon dolce latte WITH the whip cream, thankyouverymuch.  Before I get that little jolt of energy, I”m not in the mood to talk.  Therefore, logic would bring us to determine that I am NOT in the mood to chat while I’m waiting for my drink.

Logic would be correct.

I’m not a big fan of morning people anyways.   Are you a morning person?  Sorry… It annoys me that you’re this happy to be up so early in the morning.  It annoys me that you don’t want to still be snuggled up in bed  and it REALLY annoys me that you’re so chatty where as I am still trying to wrap my brain around being up so early.  I don’t like to talk.  So, no, Mr. Starbucks, I don’t want to tell you my plans for the day!

Today, though, I had the most cheerful person on the planet.  Perhaps, he was sent from God to make me learn a lesson.  To learn a lesson on how to be nicer or, I dunno, more of a morning person.  Either way… I don’t think the lesson worked.  I pull up to the window and I had made the unfortunate mistake of ordering one of their new breakfast sandwiches so I had to wait even LONGER than normal, thus giving me more time to chat it up with the guy at the window.  I tried to phone a friend (Why, yes, I did watch “Slumdog Millionaire” last night… What of it?!) but to no avail.  I was stuck.  Stuck in the midst of awkward conversation…

Him: Headed to work?

Me: Unfortunately.

Him: Oh come on.  Work gives us a reason to get out of bed every morning!

Me: I’m pretty sure I still would have woken up even if I didn’t have to be at work…

Him: (Staring dreamily off into the distance) Yeah, I guess I”m one of the lucky ones.  One of those people who found what they love to do and are good at it so early in life…  I get to wake up every morning, come to work, make people happy and come home.

Me: BLANK STARE

I mean, REALLY???  You’re trying to tell me that being a barista (which, come ON… fancy word for coffee-maker…) is your calling in life?  You were DESTINED to work at Starbucks???  And what do you mean “make people happy?!”  You don’t save lives!  You make coffee!  You don’t provide any sort of profound wisdom that wouldn’t otherwise be bestowed upon us!  YOU MAKE COFFEE.

Imagine if he continued on about his love for brewing & pouring said coffee, then even breaking out a Starbucks Coffee Barista Certification document–preferably a certificate. Chances are I would give him a pep talk then & there that sounds a bit like this:

“You know, guy, you really do have the world at your coffee-brewing fingertips.  Just think… If you keep it up, you’re going to make it to manager and then one day, if you stick with it, maybe even a franchise owner…  And THEN if that happens you could only do one other thing that would be fitting and that would be… TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!!! MWAH HA HA HA HA HAAA!”

[*Continues evil laugh while jumping through the window and knocking over pot after pot of what he said was his "special perfect blend". Eff your brew, get a life!]

Alas, I gave the guy my credit card for payment and peeled out of the parking lot.  I’ll take my coffe with a side of relax this morning.  ‘Preciate it.