Tag Archives: bicycle

About us Abso Ridic Couldn't Make This Up Random Subway Chronicles

The Bicycle Crook

May 21, 2009 – 11:37 am

You have to love NYC! I know people do wild shit all over the world, but I’ll bet big bucks that the majority of this wild shittery transpires in the ciudad of Nueva York. [*Turns off SAP] Oh, what kinda shite? Shite like this:

After leaving this event in the city we happened to spot this ultra shady character in a gray hoody on a bicycle emitting a very questionable vibe. No, I wasn’t even judging (not this time). So what gave him away you ask? Oh, mayyyyyybe because he was spotted jiggling LOCKS on Bowery. Mannnn, we KNOW you don’t work there! Even if you did, you didn’t JUST lock up shop, you didn’t! That coffee shop closed before sundown! Crook!

Also, ALSO! If you worked there or had any business trying to get in there @ 11:30 pm–you would most certainly own a KEY!

So my friend yells “oh shit! Who the fuck jiggles locks at 11:30?!”. At this point I’m still laughing hysterically at the whole scenario UNTIL said shady lock jiggler rolls up to us on SAID bicycle (an effing bicycle!) with a verbal contribution of, “something funny fellas?”. Uhhh sir, sir! SIR! Did you just NOT just see yourself checking locks of someone elses store on your (getaway) bicycle? Was that NOT your shadow on the floor while your person shook & turned the padlock of the store you (clearly) do NOT work at?! Do NOT piss me off Crook, don’t effin’ do it.

So with that bullshit I just start laughing even harder (I laughed PLENTY that night? Yes, yes I did). Then my friend said something along the lines of “No man we just left this event, had a couple drinks. It was a good time man you missed out.”

[* Still cracking up]

Then the crook proceeds to ask more info about the event! At that point I was just like could you please kindly keep it effin’ moving. No real “tough guy” tries to have conversations to find out about events in NYC. Lucky for him, I cut my beard a few weeks back hence me not actually saying a word this entire post. I hope he knows he spared himself from a dual-foot roundhouse kick, don’t ask. *Looks at Chuck, receives approval. Moves on…

Go fly a kite, crook.

Musin, out! Long live AH!

[Thanks to to our partner at ithinkyoureswell.com for the event info; good times Nerd.]

Tags , , , , , , , , | Comments (2)
Random Subway Chronicles

Subway Chronicles Pt. 12: Bum Armstrong

March 11, 2009 – 2:05 pm

Aw man! The F train comes through in the clutch with yet another chunk of comedic gold!

The date, 3/10/09. The time was approximately 9:15pm and the train pulled up to the Roosevelt Island stop and on RIDES this bum directly onto the train. Now, normally people who have a bicycle get off and walk the bike onto the train, not this man! Bum Armstrong opted to pedal his way onto the train car, hilare!

[As soon as I saw that shite, I knew this could only get better]

In efforts of chaining his bike to the railing he was trying to swing this heavy bike chain around the railing but just continually kept throwing it straight ahead, not the correct around the railing motion he was looking for — wasted! After getting help throwing the blasted chain, he takes a seat and literally RIPS into this plastic container. I heard this thing open OVER my music, which was blaring (as always). I look over, I see about three chips TOPS in this carton. Pmo! All that noise for nothing.

[I then thought to self, "self, this guy is abso ridic, let's not pay him any mind." Then I heard self say, "you liar, clearly youre going to pay keen attention in order to accurately post yesterday evening's moments of hilarity on AbsoHilare.com." Damn you self, always so wise.]

While zoning out to some tunes (Wale’s Mixtape About Nothing…still) I realize there is somewhat of a miniature subway-stampede going on. All the people from Bum Armstrong’s side of the train flee to the other side in haste as if someone released a deadly airborne virus.  So I’m like what the Weezy F is going on here…I take a look and this man is smoking a cigarette–on the train! Too bad he cursed everyone as they were running away, single-handedly redefining reckless abandon.

*dead.

(*brought back to life; boss.)

I couldn’t believe it, my friend and I blurted out in blatant laughter because it was just so wild. I’ve NEVER seen anyone pull that shit before, though I did see this one dude roll a joint (literally, a joint) on the 7 train, yeah. Luckily our stop wasn’t too far off so we endured the nicotine tainted air for a few minutes (while cracking up!) then went about our way.

AND just for the bluff callers who may say, “Oh Musin, no effin way bro!” I utilized my paparazzi abilities to snag the most solid of images. Without further adieu, Bum Armstrong.

LONG LIVE AH!

Tags , , , , | Comments (4)